Distrust-Mistrust To Trust

When I first met my love match, I was blown off my feet!  We spent the summer getting to know each other, sometimes at the beach, walking along on the hiking trails, going for bike rides; you get the idea-a typical lovers dating newlyweds.  I was in pure bliss.  He kept wanting to see me, so I supposed that was a good sign.  His family lived very close to where I lived and we spent a lot of time in the yard, having BBQ'S, filling our days with getting to know each other gatherings.  As I got to know his family along the way I could not believe how my once bitten twice shy personality was coming out and bubbling over.  The usual, very quiet, don't say a peep, speak only when spoken too girl, was coming out laughing with the gang, sometimes the butt of the jokes; which was awesomely funny to me, and sometimes becoming the life of the party.  One day my Love match invited me to his sisters to babysit, I have never been asked to babysit on a date-never meeting the sister before-BUT I jumped all over the chance to meet his family and hang with my new boyfriend.  I loved the whole night, although his sisters plans were squashed, I was happy to be in company of good people. 

In my last relationships, not knowing if I was coming or going, not saying anything that was really me, or on my mind- I had to ask over the years, "WHY do I feel so compelled by this man in front of me, why does he continue to want to see me, and why is his family so intriguing and interesting to me and in saying that they seemed interested in me.  From someone who has been dumped, of course like a lot of men and woman, to being cheated on every other occasion, to someone who was accepted for the first time (Maybe because I was actually being me), why was it that THIS particular relationship was able to survive the course, the ups the downs, the stressful times, the boring times, the fights and arguments and yes, how did I come to such a place of such distrust, mistrust to NOW completely finally Trustful of my Love match, surroundings, place in life and along with that his family.

TIME, that's it, that is the cure!  It was rough, to say how distrustful I actually was.  There of course were past hurts that I was open and honest about, still it made it no easier to trust.  People would say, TIME will allow you to heal, TIME, ya right!  My love match and partner stuck through with me the best he could.  His family knew of my mistrust but still allowed me to get OVER it.  TIME, no amount of talking, rehashing the emotional upset would help but TIME.  Now almost Five years together, I can finally say THAT TIME DOES heal all wounds.  It is not just a saying, where before I would balk and say oh YA TIME, sure!

I never had a feeling of trust before awkwardly and sadly.  Not complete trust, not really with anyone that I came across.  So me, not even knowing what trust meant or felt like, how could I feel or be a trusting soul, I never trusted anyone prior.  How could I say to my Love partner that I trust him when I never new what trust was.  I could be trustworthy in my relationships, but as it seemed no one was totally completely full of Trust actions towards me.  I thought it would never get better-the mistrust I felt from years past did not seem to be going anywhere.  NOW, five years coming to our fifth Christmas together, I can honestly say- I KNOW nothing else but this love, nothing else but this man, nothing else but the trust I have in him.  I can honestly say for the first time I have trust in someone.  It did not come easy and was not just TIME alone.  I had to practice trusting and I put trust in to GOD in the meantime to see my mis faith in humanity through and to come out the other side.  For the last Years, when I did not trust, I turned to GOD, I trusted that HE was listening- that I could trust.  I gave him all my fears day after day and HE took care of it. 

I had to practice trust, if I was having an anxious mistrusting day, I had to believe that much more that my TRUE love Match would not hurt me, or our LOVE.  I had to believe in US and put the faith back in believing in LOVE and destiny which does happen to everyone, everywhere.  Practicing trust was not fun, although challenging, I am better for trusting my man, and so is our love connection and so is our home, life together....Now I think, BOY what a waste of time-BUT a good learning tool.  To know that I am safe in this world with this man, where my life was so taken over by emotional upsets time and time again-now it is easy to be with me and I know the worse is over.  We came through!

I know in relationships, there are huge ups and huge downs....I will enjoy our love, our trust and everything WE have worked for...layering the foundation for the downs that every person, couple, family and life goes through.  I am peaceful with my love and trust...I am happy I can finally feel trust, even when it was staring me right in the face.  It did make us stronger, now I think learning to trust so late in life is better then never learning trust and love at all.  In this I am truly blessed and feel so ridden of the past that there is only now.  It is easy for me to look at my LOVE MATCH and think...I Know I am going to be with this man until the end of our days...it is easy to see the love, feel the love and just have the knowing we are here, now until it is time to say goodbye...Now, I am happy, content and in LOVE with the man meant for me-WHO TAUGHT me HOW finally how to TRUST.