I Am What I Am

I have carried myself through my Life, being joyous, loving, nurturing and caring.  Along with other qualities that render along the same character traits.  I have always enjoyed laughing until I cried, I easily run to someone in need, even all they need is a good cry-in that case I bring a long a chilled bottle of wine, ready to open.  All these things though, do not really say who I am completely.  At home, my husband will admit easily, that I am always happy, chipper, never in an angry mood, yelling and carrying on for no good reason.  I wake up happy and he wonders "What the heck was in her cereal bowl"  Not saying that I do not get angered or act in a demanding and confrontational way from time to time; usually though- My home is my castle and I feel that in order for it to run in tip top shape, I in no way want to shake things up that much. 

Lately through the years I have become some what of a problem solver, if anyone has a life challenge I am more then happy to give a sense of the better things in life that they could draw upon.  These things I taught myself until it was second nature.  Again this is not all the time, but the things I learned-my own personal lessons have taught me what I needed to know for the purpose of my life and my life alone.

What if someone sees you at your worst?  What happens if they see you struggling, time after time and when you first appeared to them.  What if they see you cry, being stressed, or in a irrational state for a bit of time.  How then do they perceive you?  Mostly, they will always think of you as that frazzled, mixed up (maybe), confused and distraught person.  Though they don't know that you could make a crowd laugh, be the life of a party, be a friend when someone needs it.  They don't know the times, that you gave the shirt off your back, when you picked someone up when they were distressed or in need.  The timing of when they met you, you made a detour and had to start over.  Then, unwillingly you wear that flag for years.  With the blueprint of your downs highlighted on the back of your favourite T-Shirt. 

The stigma there is obvious it is imprinted on you forever, a tattoo that you seem to wear now where ever you go.  Even though you came out on top, standing and victorious.  These people still are in the wings-though not chearing but waiting for you to fail again.  That for them, was when they felt empowered possibly being around you.  It somehow made those around you feel better about themselves.  In that way of thinking, they really did not want you to succeed, to better yourself, move on.  They liked the fact that you were once stuck. 

Now all of these points do have a mediocre tone of negative.  The true essence is that your true character is not where you have been, or the puddles of mud you have found yourself in.  The times that you dug yourself out of the trenches, out of the stick of the mud are what truly defines you.  The life skills and how you have moved on is your story, your badge of Life 101 as you trek even further along on your journey.  Still smiling, still laughing, still being the life of the party, still their for others.  Your true sense and your power come out best when you are empowered and then are able to empower others.  Those that want to take that away from you, take your true sense of self and your true character and make up along with it; are merely wishing they had those awesome qualities in their self and surrounding.  You Have Got, What They Want!

Realising this, surrounding yourself with positive people, who don't want to ruin your character or thrive off of your disappointments is essential for your survival.  If not the case, I would still be stuck in the thick of the mud, not able to dig myself out, possibly complaining about every life struggle that I encountered.  When really the only struggle IS to climb out of the puddle of mud, once, twice and again until you are out for good, wiping yourself off-never to find yourself their again.