When I Remembered Me.

Have you ever let go, completely let go.  Let go of who you thought you were, who you pushed and proclaimed to be, who you wanted to be and just let it fly out the window.  "Good bye me, pieces of me, parts of me, sorts of me, different kinds of me.  Bye to the pain of wanting to be, trying to be, pressing to be.  Let go, and surrender!  It's freeing, it's crippling-though only for a moment.  It's sad to say good bye, hard to say good bye to a part of you.  Left with a piece and pieces of scattered awareness of who you thought you were but weren't.  A façade that can not be kept up forever, tough to be someone you are not....then though given a choice to say hello, to that part of you, you always were.  To let go of your self, is then the façade.  Feelings of emptiness as I let go of who I thought I wanted to be, how I wanted to be perceived, who the hell am I, what have I forgotten?

Letting go of pretences and saying hello to a thoughtful and healthy mourning of leaving who I was-a fractured self behind.  My past thoughts, disgarded, my poor adjacent attitudes, gone, as I remembered to be me.   When I realise there is an easier way, there must be, that was when I remembered me and then I felt comfortable, with no reason to fight or to be a fierce prisoner in my own skin.  My smile, is it genuine?  My eyes, do they really speak?  My words, do they hurt?  Compare myself, to who, to what- A tree, when we are all made up of the same essentiall feelings, the same ideas, attitudes...the same foundations of dissatisfaction and dysfunction, just as everyone else.

Saying good bye was a challenge I did not see coming.   As I let die inside me what was not working.  Then allowed sorrow to set in.  Sad to let go a part of me that I thought I needed, only for protection of my skin that I carried.  That skin where all these attitudes of yesterday, were no longer needed.  A rare shadow of protection, with no need.  Only to lose myself in the process-that is when I remembered me.

The only choice I had really, a turning point was when I remembered me.  The void I was left with, was a harsh reality of what I filled my days with, a lot of crap.  A common banter, of pettiness and waistful days.  That was when I remembered me.

To realise this and to know that I am all the criss-cross paths of everyone I have met, the moods, the despair, the hunger, the riches, the struggle, the tears, the horror and laughter.  When I looked at you, I looked at me.  It did hurt, I must admit.  The hurt in your eyes, was what was in mine and I needed protection.  It scorned my every nerve of who I was protecting; the pain within me, I saw in you too.  That was when I remembered me.

That was when I let go.  Freeing and easy.  Just succumbing to the parts of me, that I did not want to be-but am.  Good bye, letting go of hate, regret, sorrow, hurt.  Saying good bye to me was when I remembered me and found me, Yet Again.  The void I hold now, gives me a choice to fill up with a different attitude, a different perspective, the only choice, my new self is love, acceptance of you and me.  A vow, to say good bye is a chance, to say hello to the person I remembered to be-  Me!  A reflection is no more then a visual of what you think.  I think through my eyes and my thoughts can be reflected through my attitude and beliefs.  Changing my beliefs, my thoughts-realising; I do not have to fight, protect my self from the visual I see before me.  When I see me and when I remembered me, I remembered you too, and fell in love once again with you and me.  With Life, and with choice.

My protection was a barrier that I no longer need.  Allowing love is much simpler then burying my self and the protection of self.  When I remembered me, I remembered to Love.