It is true I went through a period or two, perhaps a stage of great falling into a whole perhaps? Determination in my thoughts to climb out truly takes away my feelings of any amount of victimhood that I could ever see in myself. I met people along the way that did speak in terms of victimhood. I though could not relate. A string of bad luck, on my end...in no way a victim.
I crawled in great despair, out of sadness, lonely days, the days that never seemed to end of years of fighting my depression and anxiety. I do not use those words loosely. As a fighter, not willing to relent. I knew with my faith and love for myself that would soon return, that I would regain the devotion to my morals and values-meet like minded people and be true to the power that I hold within to come back from my failures. So tell me am I a victim?
The people that I was meeting at the time, hoped I would remain that "deer in the headlight girl" that I once was. What they did not know was that, was not me. It was a period of me, but not my nature, not my conviction for Life and the Life I knew I have lived and could live again. I of course as a writer, took all of those hang ups, the ditches I feel in, the wholes I fell in and came up swinging. The people that took me for a "deer in the head lights type", have never seen me swing a bat, hit a ball, run my ass off, steal a base, to a back flip, a mean dive of the diving board, a dance that is light, fun and easy or a slide home then, cheer with all the fellowship of winning that I have learned over the years. So tell me am I a victim?
I learned from the best, street smarts-my Husband took the time to see me gain confidence in my courage to be aware, and to walk tall, to remember to not let anyone step over me, and to weed out the ones that did not see me as I am...So tell me am I a victim?
No, I am not. I never thought I was, never to a vow or oath of victimization and to have that persona be a part of my soul. I never once said, that this was it for me. No, I said...This will be my lesson, I will learn from it and walk away from it, I will not put myself in a category of such hatred for myself, I will be better, get better, I will learn who I am again, how to fight again and how to look love me again. I never lost the touch of how to throw a mean ball, hit a triple down in left field, do a round off on a balance beam, a spin or two on the gymnastic bars. So I ask MYSELF am I a victim? NO, I am not. I ask you, Are YOU? The answer is as well....NO, never and not in a million.
