A Positive No

You're about to sit down with a friend for lunch. Your enthusiasm for the lunch date excites you.

You're smiling, ready to have a nice chat, catch up on life and speak about the old days. Then they say it. Never, No, Can't. Your once exuberant self-slides to a slight bleak. Your smile fades, your eyes look and feel drawn, your energy has been taken over. You cross your arms in front of you, you want to block this form of "naysayer obligation". You really do not want any part of it. You wanted to hear how good there week has been, how wonderful they are feeling, how life for them has been grand. Though, the outpour of no, never and can't is being slashed across the table like a spaghetti food fight. You want to change the subject of can't to a can of no to a yes and of never to will. These conversations drain you, they leave a feeling of drab and it reaks of toxic energy.

You try to interrupt to change the conversation, something trivial, yet inspiring, something enlightening, something that will fade the dark comments into something uplifting. We've all been there and on both sides of the conversations. There have been many days when my mood has struck out to dampen someone's day, spoil the mood and leave a feeling of harsh energy. We have all had moments of despair when trivial matters that burden our hearts make them heavy and almost empty, where nothing in life is joyful. We have all been on each side of this conversation, the ones of yes and I can and I will and the ones of no and can't and never. How then do we change this back and forth action being caught between yes and no limbo? How do we start believing even in the face of darkness, when nothing seems right in our world? How do we get from a dark cloud to a cloud with a silver lining? Or even from a storm to calm waters? 

I would have to say practice. When I mean practice, as some may laugh, I mean; pay attention to your

words, how do they make you feel? What words that are spoken from your lips or others, makes you feel toxic? How are your thoughts of no, can't and never holding you back. What does your energy feel like when speaking in this way.  What if you thought yes, I can and I will every single second? How would your day go, how would our week go and how would your lunch date go? Probably a lot better, most likely you and your lunch date would have a really fantastic time, maybe even that person would ask to go out with you for lunch again. 

It does take practice, as thoughts turn into words and words turn into our actions. That is every thought, every word and every single day, from the moment you wake, to when you turn out your bedroom light. Now, of course, there are many times we have to say no when we don't want to do something, there are many many times that saying no is called for. Many times we need to say that we really can't possibly do this or that, and for many good reasons. Or other times when you would never babysit for that kid again, never ever again!

We do have our boundaries and we do have our free will and our many preferences. Though saying No, to something that is in your heart and soul to say no to is actually a yes and a blessing in disguise. There are many times throughout our lives when we really need to listen to our gut, our instincts our soul, give thought to our morals and our beliefs and just because Sandy and Tracy are doing it, doesn't mean you have to. Saying No many times is actually saying YES and opening the doors to new awareness, better opportunities, abundance and fulfilment. Saying NO actually is saying YES!

Saying I can't or I would never do something that doesn't sit well in your heart or the pit of your stomach is actually saying yes to the life that you are meant to live and meant to thrive in. Saying no means in many cases a positive yes and a win for you, possibly others. Listening to your heart when someone speaks in negative terms, simply say; "Let's change the subject to something more light and breezy". Or even I'm not very comfortable speaking this way. You are saying no, for a positive yes. 

Let's say Charlie is a marathon runner and he really wants to finish this marathon in record timing. He's been training for months, he really wants to hit his mark and cross that finish line. The marathon is on Saturday morning and he's been training hard. On Thursday Jeff, wants to go out to a party to have some fun, he asks Charlie to go out with him, knowing that drinks will be flying around the table, it will be a

late night and he would be feeling sluggish for the day of the marathon. Charlie then has to think about his answer yes or no. He really doesn't want to let Jeff down because he was his best man last year at his wedding, though he really wants to get his rest so that he can cross that finish line. He knows he will have a blast with Jeff, they always have the greatest nights, usually ending at 5 am. Saying no to Jeff is saying yes to himself. He knows in his heart and soul that he wants to cross that finish line. He also knows that just one late night of drinking can throw him off his course and objective. So the question is does he believe in himself, does he have self-worth, does he love himself and does he want to give himself the opportunity to succeed? And the answer to that is always YES I CAN and I WILL. 

-Tamara Thompson