Verbal Abuse How It Starts, How It Stops

What is verbal abuse?  How does it compare to any other abuse.  They "say" verbal abuse is worse then physical.  Abuse though is abuse and I don't think two people who have underwent this sort of action towards them would sit and ponder which is worse.  Although I do know it hurts, leaving a scar when it is physical abuse shows to the world what has happened behind closed doors as on tries to carry on with the day, however hurt and scorned.  Not one person I know, I believe would want that type of revealing of the night before.  Hide it with make up in a flush is most likely more ridiculing, hoping that no one will ask. 

Both are extremely difficult to I believe get over.  Does one ever?  I am sure that Verbal abuse is a tricky battle, with the blows of name calling in anger has a demolishing affect.  Over time one starts to believe, just like with physical that they deserve this torment, hurt and start to live accordingly, both causing a make up of what one is, what that person feels that they are worth.  How does it start, always the small things, the red flags, the circle of doubt, then grows to damaging the person deep to the roots, the core and forever.  Is there recovery in this?  Can one with any abuse rise above and become the person they were meant to be?  Holding it in to hope that it goes away is waisted efforts.  Usually the attacked have to go to circus lengths to get out of the situation, start anew, gather and go, vowing to not let this happen.  Though most likely there is a feeling of "it must be me".  It is NOT.

Stopping is courageous, it really means getting out and getting help, which is never a light easy start over.  Replacing the negative thoughts, hurts and gouges with better thoughts of oneself takes years of practice.  It is though a glorifying rediscovering of oneself, almost an I AM BACK, type of let go and owning all at the same time.  To think though if you or anyone is in this awful place, who has the right to treat you this way?  To think of the attacker to name call a Cat all day long, would look pretty silly would it not?  It is mere silliness and selfish to think one could do this to a cat of all things.  What if that attacker had a bad day, came home to yell, name call and for whatever reason take the aggression out, verbally and or physically...what if there was no one there?  Who would then be there to bounce the anger out on?  Holler at the stove, kick the garbage around.  Silly is it not? 

Leaving you do become stronger, but being strong is not the point, not in the eyes of the person catching the throws.  It is not a relief to say, wow now I am stronger, few...I wanted to be so strong!  No, most people just want to live in peace, harmony.  What happens if the person being lashed, stays, goes along for many many years....it is awful to think that way...but does happen.  They don't have a day off, a weekend off to replenish themselves for an upcoming week of work.  This is there life and they are use to that.  They really don't take a break from the reality they are caught in.  There is no release for them and when there is, how healthy would it be?  To dive deep for myself on a Friday night, some may say-lighten up its the weekend...enjoy.  But do the people who are being treated this way even have that oportunity?  Being a voice for the one that has no voice for the time, in regard to their emotions, how can an advocate like myself too take a day off...when it is my, as an advocate to be that voice in a way of fighting for them to have a voice.

I will say, I was in a situation in my life way long ago where I was verbally attacked.  So I can feel that presence even on a Friday night.  It is a constant fight to survive, even after years of recovery.  How can you take a day off when you are passionate about these issues, even prior to weekend party time.  To recover though can be an awesome event, a fresh and exuberant time.  To leave is important, valid, true, the only way.  To make that leap, is giving back your power.  Gaining that power for only yourself is the most critical turning point in your life.  To not LET it happen again, is empowering others as well, to see that strength for this reason is victorious, no one asks for this behaviour to develop.  It creeps up. 

Can there be a positive spin to lighten the crises, the abuse-I will leave that UP TO YOU!

Caring For Someone Who Suffers From Depression and Anxiety Disorder

I am a fighter of Mental Health issues but that does not make me an expert, although I have seen a lot, been through the havoc of deep depression, anxiety and other issues along the way.  To see someone else go through it is still hard.  I have Twenty or so years behind me covering these issues, feeling them, trying to understand them myself, learning, coping, getting by.  People would try to help me, try to allieviate my worries, want me to get better, hated seeing me depressed, upset and down.  Although they did this with care, they really had to just let me fight through it myself, by taking a back seat and watch me recover, while going about there daily routine and lives.  As soon as they decided to detach from the situation, although it was daunting, a crises that they wanted to fix and felt some sort of sympathy or empathy as it affected them too.  They really had to stem away, let go and go about there business.  If they were worried about me, then I worried about them more so, somehow not able to heal while consumed with caring for them, then me and them me.

When they detached, went about there day, over looked there priorities, had fun with things they liked, it allowed me time to reflect and recover, even if it did take another month sometimes longer.  It is sort of like grieving I would say, everyone does it differently.  To have to mask your grievance is more damaging.  To know that the person in crises is given the time to heal and themselves let go of constant hiding of emotions, to be allowed to feel crappy and that it is just that simple sometimes...to be allowed to feel a certain way, given permission to be in a bad mood, not having to worry how it is affecting everyone around you is such a great release.  To only have to worry about the depression you are undergoing is a huge weight off, not having to care what others think, there is a great acceptance in that.

I have someone in my life who also gets depressed and has anxiety.  To think that I have to fix it would be in vein.  Making sure that this person is out of harms way, in any way and be there if that person wants to talk, even talk loud, poor out some emotion may be enough.  To be constant at the foot of ones bed to say are you OK, are you sure everything is fine, is a burden to them more so, then giving the person, time, space and an acceptance knowing that it is OK, to be hurt, feel pain, and go through it.  I think of a fish swimming in an ocean, they love there space there, they don't want a fisher man to come around and yank them out of the water, that is there place of habitat.  If that fisherman catches that fish, the fish squirms, flapping back and forth wanting to be let go.  The same is somewhat true of our friends.  Sometimes, they just like to wallow even for a while.  Sometimes it does take months, years even.  But don't yank them out of their wallowing place so that everyone can go back to norm.  When they want to come up for air they will.

Some days you will notice are better then others.  Them more then you are happy about this, although in the back of there mind is always a reminder that the day only has 24 hours and tomorrow may be a wallowing day yet again.  Enjoy your time with them, good and bad days, just like any other.  Don't make the mistake to be a constant ringing in there ear of asking if they are ok, it is to much pressure at that time.  They will let you know when they are feeling better and you will be able to tell.

Just being there is enough, if you happen to have a moment where you both are gabbing and joking, take that as a sign that there is a light at the end of the tunnel.  Don't try to make there problems go away, most times I know with depression, it is not a thing, a problem or a thought really that is the maker of this illness.  It is just a LOW, a low with no idea why.  Different from a day where one comes home from work, frustrated and goes to bed early, wakes up to enjoy the weekend.  This is something that you can't really pinpoint, why it is there or how it started.  Keep in mind to allow healing, in its own time can be more then enough to help the person who is suffering.  Being the constant to not ridicule, not harbor mixed emotions, not hurry the healing process up, is all your friend needs and sometimes a delicate and listening ear.  Take the time to enjoy yourself and different things also, detach from all of it and your friend will be restored and life does always have a way of working out, usually for the better.