In my spare time, because why not look up a phrase that many may be using, so that I can use this term and know what people are talking about if brought up in conversations?
To me words and phrases are meaningful. This PHRASE was like the sweet taste of honey when it first touches your lips.
Being a children´s writer, blogger and poet, the phrase was a needed remidie to sweeten my sour taste buds the last couple of years.
I was going through a very hard separation. Being a writer, though- I could never fathom the idea to ever pick up my computer and keyboard to write about such travesties.
My healing had to come first, and although writing has always been my guiding light to heal minutely from any of lifes' blunders, I lost my ability to pick up a pen or paper, with no great ideas to shed light on or draw from, I thought my writing career was over, until I came across a fantastic phrase to set the tone and lead me to write and dream again.
I am pretty sure that the past couple of years collectively, ln lockdown has somehow offered perhaps more then a few of us, a tranquil and safe place to heal if need be.
The phrase which I heard that made everything from my past make perfect sense was "Course Correction"
My recent hard times felt as though as I was at a complete loss. With no energy to even face a keyboard, let alone garble up some words and sentences that would make any sense. My last article that I recall writing may have been in April of 2020, maybe a small article in 2021. When I use to be able to write 6 to 8 articles per Mos. This was rather upsetting me. My keyboard became my apponent. And until the day came, until I could thrash some words together, my healing had to be instilled completely before this. Every day and always I would inch my way closer to this.
As I found this one phrase just weeks ago, my means of healing was on par with my feeling of wanting wholeness. Sure I may as well sugar coat my separation, the phrase Course correction, would do the sugar coating quite sweetly. My keyboard and me would now be reunited again for a rematch, my writing would prevail, I would win the match still recovering from my past experiences, though somehow phase one in healing worked.
I CONSIDERED it just round 1! I still had 15 rounds to go, I wouldn't give up. Though i was terribly exhausted from a very harsh break up.
If you haven't experienced writer's block it's real. And honestly it sucks!
I had a life to live and a boy to teach, to also live a good life. There was no way I could lose. Through time and space I grew stronger. Writers block I hoped would disappear so I could feel myself again. With hope I edged forward slightly in healing more and more everyday.
I can only describe writers block, by saying "it may feel something like to have something on the tip of your tongue to spill out, but then something gags you, possibly looking for the words and not being able to think, nor speak of it."
My Course Correction, landed me in a place of complete exhaustion, where I could barely get out of bed, if I did get up -which I often had to while tending to my son, I would become more exhausted...
I had good and bad days.
I was running on empty! With saying that, the man from my past was not solely to blame for our separation, of what came before it or of what proceeded it. For each of us not gaining a positive equilibrium throughout the years, was nobody's fault! We both failed equally without being able to see how to put our partnership back together. We both were to blame as they say.
I swore I would never write harshly about such personal sufferings, even if I looked for positive resolutions to patch our family together in love and harmony at every corner. While looking for ways to dissolve this torture. I made a promise to myself.
If I did write about such travesties of nature they would only be formulated in hopes to aim to heal, to learn, to accept and to grow from. While kids grow, my reason for exposing in my taste of writing style; for kids of our future, writing for them has to reflect this.
I promised I would try to write to encourage peace, joy, happiness, and positivity. Dwelling in my writing style could only stifle. I put my writing on hold while I took space to heal and find strength again.
I have learned many things throughout the past couple of years, as we have all sacrificed a great deal to create a world where we are all safe at home, my victory though, even through many days being physically exhausted, was coming out the other side of my separation, with my energy up, my smile perhaps even brightened and my heart open; even my laugh which I missed so much returned.
My healing journey lead to a course correction that was needed, necessary, through many days I meditaded, gaining strength each day, gaining a peaceful feeling that at first was completely foreign to me.
Not knowing what healing felt like, or much about what self love felt like or what peace felt like? I soaked and devoured the onset of these novelty feelings for the first time. It was all so refreshing, so new and I welcomed that and my son into my little bubble of calm and serenity.
Overtime I learned how to heal, I learned the importance of it, as if you are healing and training a new puppy to walk beside you, you pull back, stop and pause then carry on to heal again and possibly again. Like a puppy learns after some time to walk beside his favourite companion, I knew too, that I could and would walk again.
After many months turning to years of becoming inflicted with this exhaustian, not just tired, no exhaustian is different. The state I found myself in, I was afraid, I would never find the energy I needed. Pulling back the reins, I knew that I had to find ways to fill my own cup and not worry about the expectations of others.
I could not hardly speak, walk, even eating would be difficult at times. Some cereal, a donut, just what I could manage to make and eat without much effort or strength was all I could attempt. If I were to call a friend, or if a friend would call me to talk, I had not even the breath to speak. I became winded quickly, and would have to cut our conversations short. To say hello, to say yes- I am still healing and managing was all we could speak. I would hope for my energy to return for another day.
Phase one, was to find out what healing methods work for me? . During the mornings I included guided meditations. I listened to healing meditations about the past, or letting go, possibly self love meditations if I was feeling extra lively that day. Getting rest and Sleep if I could was also a big part of phase one. I had to try to lay down, this sometimes was a chore! Since insomnia set in the year prior, I had to reclaim my bed and pillows, put my head down to rest, with that over time I noticed I started dreaming again. I would add chakra healing music throughout the night-time for insomnia, my son heard these echos coming from my room, we restored our new sense of peace; together.
I noticed myself talking on the phone to my friends longer, I could speak more, and move around with more ease. I chose to be gentile on myself, to allow myself to heal, what this encompassed was daily rituals; Where each day finding a new source to fill my cup with was actually becoming fun.
I nurtured myself with at home spa days, adding a face mask and a hair treatment, drinking water, trying to eat well, sleeping became easier. Somehow throughout the years I forgot that sleep and rest is and always will be considered the #1 basic necessities in terms of human survival. You can quote my therapist for that, where through phone calls my therapist would ask "how I was taking care of my health at home?" As most of us were the past couple of years.
Phase two of my healing journey was much better then phase one. I said goodbye to the days where I would wake up in a
Phase two added more peace, I held on to that peaceful feeling for as long as I could. As the demands of life would return as they always do. Even though still lethargic- I found myself grasping for the moments where I felt peaceful, this would grow stronger, I was learning to develop a strong peaceful core, that zapped my exhastion with each calm breath.
I learned that healing is a practice, and adding crystal healing to my days, became a great source for nurturing. I gathered my ten or twelve healing stones and slept with them, I clenched them some nights, trying to feel serene as I curled up in a ball, literally practicing many ways to heal.
Some days though, would be heavier then others. I learned also that these days, could come on strong and swift, without any given notice. I would need to be ready for them, as we were battling in court, I needed my courage and strength to endure this.
During the second phase I noticed what healing methods worked for me. Third phase was filled with so many ways to encourage myself with growth and balance. Healing from a past course correction meant saving my own life!
With my body I had to feed it; with my heart; allow it to open, with my mind; I had to be clear; with my body I had to rest.
Phase three, was all about living again, doing things I loved, getting back to work was my aim, incorporating dance fitness and excersising, singing, and even though I threw out much of my writing, I knew my earnestness to write again was just around the bend.
If the third phase had a name it would be called, SAYING GOODBYE!
Saying good bye to people and the man from the past yes, that was clearly essential for my well being. That being said, saying goodbye to an older version of me is also a practice of a well known term called letting go...
Phase three is where I sit today, saying good bye to the past I realize now, (even blindly so,) that I thought I needed to endure abusive relationships, letting go of this ridiculous and absurd notion is a big part of phase three in my course correction.
The person I am today is stronger, perhaps wiser and with this article driven again to write with my passion. A self love victory with cups filled with love for myself, to give to my son with a new life restored.
Allowing peace to grow was my foresight and forecast into where I wanted to be.
At least for today, I am back where I found myself, years ago when I created my first kids book. Today I am not only able to speak again to friends and family, help my son with online schooling, I am creating again. I think my personal course correction was a total knock out, round 15 over.
Expressing my journey now, I am not rattled nor collapsing due to exhastian.
When a ballerina dancer has to hang up their dance shoes for the last time, it is a sad day. I never knew if I could find it in me to write again. I feel good writing today, today is not a sad day.
My manifestations of a peaceful home came to me through healing.
Loving again became easy, it is overflowing from the filled cups filled in our tranquil peaceful bubble.
When I met the phrase "COURSE CORRECTION", it conjured up enough passion, emotions, thoughts and ideas; that with this one phrase, it help me turn my own page, to offer me more self love, and a reason to let go.
Where as much as word choices for a writer matters for good writing, when even the words we say when we are speaking to each other matters, offering each other kind words also matter.
In a world where being kind has been something to value, much more greatly then ever before.
Each of us creating a world of peace, can be accomplished with each kind word.
With out offering these kind words and gestures, encouraging others with kindness; I feel that as a collective and globally, that we could not ever survive.
Today I am an energetic mom home schooling presently, and as we find ourselves today....back at square one and ground zero in our efforts to stay safe.
In my nerdy sense of being a bit of a techy-nerd; finding the joy in looking up the phrase "Course Correction" within an urban dictionary, while I relished in finding out what the heck a Course Correction could mean on a personal level? It was a needed element in the closing of phase three in healing and a "Eureka" moment for me to draw a bit of voltage to write again.
A phrase that makes sense, while in proper writers fashion we are not here to slam someone or anyone in any way. I only want to write to possibly provoke thought, to offer meaning, to somehow, even slowly to help connect us with purpose, that allows peace with mindful word choices only said with an open heart, then reflected back nurturing and kind. No matter where we are in the world, kindness offers survival.
Tamara Thompson
Childrens Author/Poet/Blogger/Motivational Speaker
Social Media Coach FB @i. Blog Your Business
