Bipolar and Being Mom

I am lucky, I was able to have a Son finally!  After years of confusion as to why I was not able to conceive, being bipolar it may have been anything?  My Doctor's and Therapist team worked together along with me-discovering what was happening with my body.  It was found out that it was a medication that I was taking, that was stopping me from being able to conceive.  I was Able to rid myself of that though proved difficult.  After 8 days of weaning; which meant I was awake for Eight days- I remember it was one of the biggest challenges I ever had to over come.  When I found out I was pregnant, it was way well worth it.  Being Thirty Eight at the time of my pregnancy, I was steadfast with my health.  Before, during and after my pregnancy, learning to exercise and feed myself nourishing foods, paid off as I have a very happy, healthy and growing Child.  Though, still having Bipolar.   I feel though that there is a misconception when it comes to parenting a child while still having a chemical imbalance/mental illness.

Being a Mom as well as someone with a Mental Illness, I believe does not wreck havoc on any of my parenting skills.  If anything, I have learned over the years (with having this disorder) that eliminating stress out my life has helped me to be better able to handle stress.  It has helped me greatly with seeing a counselor for the whole of my adult life-through that, my problem skills are excellent, communication skills are relatable, interpersonal skills etc.  Having Bipolar for all of my Adult life has helped me to not take ONE day for granted.  Being sick so many times and praying for just one day, that I would be and feel no symptoms from my illness-so that I too could enjoy the day, to go out and have fun, instead of home feeling anxious or stuck or riddled with paranoia.  Now because of those days now long gone, I am able to live totally in the moment and be very mindful of everything I do, at home and with my Son.  Everyday, I really want him to get as much out of the day that he can, I make sure he enjoys a lot of play time, family time, cuddling and bonding time, alone time, sleep and other necessary things for him to be able to grow and learn all while knowing that he is well cared for and loved.  Being Bipolar (with no symptoms) has helped me seize the day, with him along my side.  

I also believe that for me, if I had had a Child at a younger age while still being in the thick of my mental illness-it would not have aided me in my parental skills.  It would have been a time when I had to put me first to be well, feel well and live well.  Back then, I would not have had a lot of time or energy or know how left over for any Child...I had to grow and perhaps grow out of the symptoms that were once at the forefront of my existence.  I am lucky that I was able to achieve this part of myself, growth and the skills I have now where they were once not existent.  I am not my symptoms or my illness, I am a Mother with Bipolar-for me it has aided me in my personal development to be a Mother.  If I were younger, my healing would have got in the way of any of this; where the stress would be endless, the commotion in my life, the drama, my priorities would have stagnated the care for myself and then so on.

Turning 40 in just a few short months, I know now I am the best me, the best Mom and the best role model I can be for my One Son.  Because my care comes so effortlessly and naturally, with all that I have learned-I can now put my efforts and care into my Child, knowing that he will benefit from the Mom I am-even with Bipolar. 

I worked very hard on my recovery.  I remember so many days and nights spent dedicated to learning and relearning life skills, the tools I gained did not come easy.  With disappointment I had to learn courage, with low self esteem I had to learn confidence, with frustration I would have to learn temperament,

with over coming obstacles I would have to learn how to problem solve.  These examples along with many more took a lot of hard work, of course all very gratifying and well worth it.  I gave more then 100% to myself and my growth for 20+ years.  I can now totally fulfill what I have learned over the years and hope to pass it on to my Son.  

I tackled the bipolar and the long road that it lead me on, to a place of gratitude, peace, serenity, warmth, love, devotion and health...thinking back to the nights where I would beg and pray for help, to not have this disorder, to be rid of it, to not feel the effects....Miracles everywhere!!

When I pray now, I simply say Thank You, again I say Thank You, and again day and night I say Thank you.  Bipolar and Being Mom-Thank you!