My Heart Belongs To You

My Heart Belongs To You

Valentines Day Poem 

My heart belongs to you, although I carry it deep down inside,

It is you that I have given it to, please cherish it, for all the years through.

I carried this heart for years, protecting it and making it strong,

Please keep it with you, for all the years long.

Give it shelter and space to grow, as it beats harder everyday,

It is a good heart, has much to give, and does so in many ways.

Give it peace and laughter while I lay my head at night,

Give it love and devotion, so please treat it right.

My heart means a lot to me, it carried me this far,

Before I had met you it was held tight, as if closed in a jar.

Because of you you it flutters and it sings,

Because of you I let someone in.

Keep it through all the good and any of the bad,

Keep it with you, when you are sometimes sad-

If I could give you much more, I would if I could,

I know you will love it, because our love is good.

 

Sift Through Your Relationships

Years pass by, people come and they go.  Some stay for a very long time as you both are able, in many relationships to battle through each individual storm together.  Near or far, you have people in your Life that stick to their word and their devotion to the relationship between you's.  Not saying that these relationships are perfect at all times, they are hard as well, but the choice to be in that someones Life serves such a purpose as you weather through any storms.  When you have good people in your Life, hang on to the dear and the close ties between you.

As years go by, you may click with some more then others.  And feel a valued part of the relationship.  Some relationships teach you a better way, teach you and show you with a mirror held up to your face; who you are and who you are becoming.  The tests and these relationships have is valued.  It offers an understanding of you and your place within your world and the surrounding world around you.  These relationships help you along the way to make choices, what you will endure or not.  It should not be a bother that if you and your values do not coincide with others in your reams, that you do not have to be part of that.  If things upset you to much with these relationships, move on-learn from the lessons and find more suitable ones for the things you personally want to achieve for growth.

To have new relationships in your life, still there may be tests, to complete more of the picture of your individual understanding of your world.  I had many friends growing up and each were fun and satisfying.  We would many times learn together who we were, who we wanted to be as we grew and what values we would carry about who we would allow in our lives.

Your integrity is a big part of that.  If your unmatched in values and what you hold dear as right or wrong then the relationship may suffer and so could you, possibly?  If you find yourself empty handed, either spiritually, emotionally or other then I believe you will not have energy to carry on with that relationship; it becomes to one sided and not beneficial.

How much time would you put forth for a relationship, either friendship, work related, or partners-if it is one sided.  Coming home to feel empty or worse.  How your respect for yourself MUST be put first at all cost.  If not, in the end you will lose to some degree.  Hopefully not to much of your spirit and then are again able to carry on, with new relationships that do serve a purpose to your being, who you are, who you want to become.  If it becomes detrimental in any regard, put yourself first or no one else will.  You really don't want to be left empty handed in any way, emotionally or other-YOU are far to important to put yourself in an empty handed relationship.

How to know when it is time to move on, for me-personally...If I gave as much as I could give and still it is not enough, nor apprecited (even though never expecting in return except fairness and respect) then that to me is a point it is time to move forward-however hard or hurtful.  If you are suffering physically, then please make the leap that others out there will respect you, NOT hurt you, give you strength instead of take away your power.  Once your own personal power source is GONE, then please keep faith and move towards better relationships.  Fair relationships, that are nurturing and understanding-where it is a fulfilling experience to draw from, for both! People come into your life for a reason, not to abuse you or your power.  Either for a Season, a Lifetime or a Reason.  They all serve a great and valuable purpose.

Hold the long standing relationships over the years dear, they don't come along often and not to very many.  Pick and choose who YOU would like to have relationships with.  You do have a choice with all of these; and the rest will fall off lightly like the automn leaves.  Hold your values high, hold your standpoints first and foremost and don't be taken advantage of in any relationship.  Use your voice to set the pace; and if you have to say goodbye to the relationships that do not work well with your standards-then whisper goodbye, close the door, open a window to let fresh new faces in-to respect and value the perfect person you are!

The Soldier

I saw a sight, a brilliant sight,
Was I in delight, you betcha that is right!

It came in a dream,
so vivid so sereane,

You showed your love,
From the clouds up above.

You were gentle and kind,
You listened as I whined.

I could not believed you appeared,
In that awesome dream, felt so real!

A Grandfather, so grand,
I kissed your strong held hand.

I spoke your name,
I got to see your face.

Showing me you are here,
with us to give hope, maybe take away some fear.

Making me feel strong, as you caught me off guard,
So nice it was, I think from heaven above.

To say good bye, as I wiped my cry,
A strong soldier you are, even if so high and far.

Your a legend to me as brave as can be.

The love of an angel, deep and alive,
a shelter for my troubles, although I miss you most times.

What could I do, but wish you could stay longer,
knowing you had to leave, as my knees became stronger.

I do not weep for you, that you have been gone,
I know from deep within, how your love pours in.

Guides from heaven above, as real as a silky white dove,
as it was so real to me, a soldiers face and a grandfather protecting me.
as you lit up the sky, once again we said hello, then goodbye.

Working Out the Kinks; No Guilt, No Crutch, No Excuse.

I am Very, Yes VERY proud to say my Mother and Father, and others along the way have all helped raise a child and young adult with a Mental Illness.  They are wonderful for caring not allowing me personally to have a crutch and lean on such crutches when it suits me.  That to me is an invaluable way of dealing with any child, mental illness or not and it was a good way to deal with me. I commend all the parents out there who bring up their Young children not allowing them to have a crutch that will dangle in every area of life, no matter where they go.

I have not written in this blog for a very long time, Since New Years.  I was reflecting, like so many of us do on the last year, the new year...Working out all the KINKS in my life.  I learned from my parents and loved ones, to not be a victim and if I was it was not for long.  It can't be easy for parents to show the way instead of make the way.  It can't be easy to Let It Be, It can't be easy to instead of feeding into such illnesses and sweeping everything under the carpet, when the underlying issue is still there; to make one stronger, more self sufficient, more independent.  Even if there is a guilt factor in the way, rising above the feeling of guilt to nurture instead of feed the illness and the crutch.  That it becomes a cycle of guilt, crutch and excuses.  I really do commend many, not just parents for taking the reins, working out the kinks of life's ups and downs, working out the guilt factor, the crutch people lean on and excuse after excuse.  It is much harder to help someone grow and learn, no matter illness or not, teach lessons instead of easy fixes.

I have done a lot of soul searching in many areas of life lately.    It is much easier to rescue, make things nice and easy.  Though it does not serve anyone in the long run, hurts rather then helps.

For me personally, I did learn the hard way, but I did learn, still of course have much learning to do.  Most do learn the hard way my Mother always said.  There is a whole world out there for enjoyment, gratitude of love and living.  Instead of Guilt, Crutch and excuses and no living, no taking chances and no growth.

The best thing my Parents did for me ever was to make sure that I can rely on myself, my inner being to get by in life, overcoming many issues along the way instead of the same one repeatedly.  When I learn something new, knowing another lesson is on the way, I am glad I don't have the same burden of problems over and over makes me very proud, not of myself.  For my parents, stepping back and having a BELIEF in ME, that I too can overcome, while working out the kinks and petty things that come into everyone's life.  Yes I say it is My illness, because it is no one elses to deal with but mine.  I call it mine, because that to me is ownership of my behaviour, my dealings here and there, my problems.  Not one of my family members have to feel guilty, because I have NO crutch and no Excuse.

They say you can lead a horse to water, but you can not make them drink...I am so glad, that I was lead to water and Drank the whole river!