Caring For Someone Who Suffers From Depression and Anxiety Disorder

I am a fighter of Mental Health issues but that does not make me an expert, although I have seen a lot, been through the havoc of deep depression, anxiety and other issues along the way.  To see someone else go through it is still hard.  I have Twenty or so years behind me covering these issues, feeling them, trying to understand them myself, learning, coping, getting by.  People would try to help me, try to allieviate my worries, want me to get better, hated seeing me depressed, upset and down.  Although they did this with care, they really had to just let me fight through it myself, by taking a back seat and watch me recover, while going about there daily routine and lives.  As soon as they decided to detach from the situation, although it was daunting, a crises that they wanted to fix and felt some sort of sympathy or empathy as it affected them too.  They really had to stem away, let go and go about there business.  If they were worried about me, then I worried about them more so, somehow not able to heal while consumed with caring for them, then me and them me.

When they detached, went about there day, over looked there priorities, had fun with things they liked, it allowed me time to reflect and recover, even if it did take another month sometimes longer.  It is sort of like grieving I would say, everyone does it differently.  To have to mask your grievance is more damaging.  To know that the person in crises is given the time to heal and themselves let go of constant hiding of emotions, to be allowed to feel crappy and that it is just that simple sometimes...to be allowed to feel a certain way, given permission to be in a bad mood, not having to worry how it is affecting everyone around you is such a great release.  To only have to worry about the depression you are undergoing is a huge weight off, not having to care what others think, there is a great acceptance in that.

I have someone in my life who also gets depressed and has anxiety.  To think that I have to fix it would be in vein.  Making sure that this person is out of harms way, in any way and be there if that person wants to talk, even talk loud, poor out some emotion may be enough.  To be constant at the foot of ones bed to say are you OK, are you sure everything is fine, is a burden to them more so, then giving the person, time, space and an acceptance knowing that it is OK, to be hurt, feel pain, and go through it.  I think of a fish swimming in an ocean, they love there space there, they don't want a fisher man to come around and yank them out of the water, that is there place of habitat.  If that fisherman catches that fish, the fish squirms, flapping back and forth wanting to be let go.  The same is somewhat true of our friends.  Sometimes, they just like to wallow even for a while.  Sometimes it does take months, years even.  But don't yank them out of their wallowing place so that everyone can go back to norm.  When they want to come up for air they will.

Some days you will notice are better then others.  Them more then you are happy about this, although in the back of there mind is always a reminder that the day only has 24 hours and tomorrow may be a wallowing day yet again.  Enjoy your time with them, good and bad days, just like any other.  Don't make the mistake to be a constant ringing in there ear of asking if they are ok, it is to much pressure at that time.  They will let you know when they are feeling better and you will be able to tell.

Just being there is enough, if you happen to have a moment where you both are gabbing and joking, take that as a sign that there is a light at the end of the tunnel.  Don't try to make there problems go away, most times I know with depression, it is not a thing, a problem or a thought really that is the maker of this illness.  It is just a LOW, a low with no idea why.  Different from a day where one comes home from work, frustrated and goes to bed early, wakes up to enjoy the weekend.  This is something that you can't really pinpoint, why it is there or how it started.  Keep in mind to allow healing, in its own time can be more then enough to help the person who is suffering.  Being the constant to not ridicule, not harbor mixed emotions, not hurry the healing process up, is all your friend needs and sometimes a delicate and listening ear.  Take the time to enjoy yourself and different things also, detach from all of it and your friend will be restored and life does always have a way of working out, usually for the better.