Critical Thinking

What I do in a day.  Well there is a lot of thought in it, but not critical thinking, I use to in a way-always think of the positive, almost glutinely so.  There is much Joy with a lot of Pain.  Though realizing in retrospect that everyone you meet is not going to be positive nor negative-nor is life all of both, including the grey areas, black, white, and all around and all over.  Everyone is though, special to some extent or the other.  No one is more or less successful then the next, good and bad qualities are every where.  For me though, it has always been about value.  Not in an obstacle way, but in a morally kind, thoughtful, trusting at the very least.  Personally I am whimsical, and have my own obstacles. like many.  I do not like to go back in the past, unless as you know it is a song I love and adore.  I look at my New born baby, with great intellect already-he blows me away and as I am still in awwe, I know I will be forever this way.  A surprise so delightful, when not use to any surprise is a blessing that I hold true, as we will always remain the same because it is LOVE.  I see my eyes and his, my lips and his, my thoughts an his ways, a kick stone right in my heart of a million peaces.

He talks to us at night and says the most brilliant things, his first word were Oh GOD.  I love that about him.  A sensitive my nature, with an airy disposition, loving life, learning about life, re living life all at the same time is a magic I never saw coming.  In our home, we had peace at a time it was.  It is once again, and I love that about him.  I see a lot in him, a creation like no other-as it is with everyone's family of growth and abundance.  He has a sparkle in his eyes, like nothing I have ever seen, in my life.  He still carries that spark, so innocent.  even so remarkable, staring right back at us with a glare, gleam, and a smile like I have never seen.  To see us is such a shock and shocking also surprising.  I know with out a doubt he means something to me and the man above.  A treasure, so much like a lost and found, that we always wanted. 

To ever become lost again is a disgust that never will be, because we are found a family of three, with a home to be very lucky to lay our heads at night and live in peace, either vitally or so lazily, cluttered or messy.  All of our Joy is what we have here in our hands.  Behind closed doors "WE" are the 99%.

I am glad the voices in my head were gone 15 years ago, the scares and torments I use to have are gone, and have been for some time.  People have stages, people grow up, sometimes triumphetlely, sometimes wiltedly, when you only care about the 99% and not worry about the next minute or next and have done so for some time...miracles do happen and gladly so.

Ode To A Father

I personally have wanted to write about Father's; my Father for a long time.  For reasons of my own, I felt I could not.  Fathers play a special role in a daughters life as I am supposing sons as well.  To have a father to not only watch out for me through the growing years, to also care to go the extra mile, not because he has to, because he wants to is the most comforting feeling in a girls world. I have said this before but with out my Dad in my life, I would not be able to smile, laugh or dance and dancing I LOVE.  He was not just a great role model, a man of his word and conviction, he really did teach me a thing or two about life.  He taught me about music, being a writer and most of my life wanting to pursue a writing career it meant a lot when we would sit back and listen to one of our favourites "The Eagles"  Listening to the lyrics of one of the biggest bands in the world brought out so much joy, thought and provoked a lot of beliefs in us-that prior were not there.  The lyrics and music taught us about life, something we both needed to listen and learn from-the great sounds of Don Henley.  It bonded us, brought on terrific conversations and the melody was trans inducing.  

We also use to watch The Rocky movies together, my Mother went away for a weekend trip, my Dad came home with Rocky movies all Five at that time, he walked in with Hamburger's and Donuts, as we watched movies all weekend-even got through them all.  Now thinking back, we were in our mid teens, what Dad would want to sit back and watch a bunch of movies with there teenaged kids?  Or what teen out there would sit inside a dusty old basement watching movies with there Dad for the majority of a summers weekend? 

My Dad was also my Karate sensei for some of my teen years, my friends tagged along waking up at 7am on Saterday's, getting on our Karate gear, some coming from hours away, to show support and also for the love of learning about martial arts.  He was a great instructor, his self defense portion was amazing as we all listened and learned with keeness and spry.  Those teachings especially has been in itself, a life saver for me many times, as these instincts that he taught came through for protection any time I have needed.  He also taught our girl guide group once a year CPR-first aid as he had his permit to do so.  These foundations that were cultavated through out the years not only saved me in many ways, also gave me an edge in life to fight instead of flight.

There was a patch my life where I was completley and ridiculously lost, it seemed at the time I would be or could be lost forever.  Lost in the sense of becoming almost permanently homeless, with no shelter, ways of food, just about left with nothing.  I was out at a coffee shop having a discussion with a counselor of sorts just shortly after this long stretch of oblivion.  She told me, "You are the Strongest woman I have ever met"  She went on "I don't know how you have got through and risen above all of this mess in your life"?  She carried on to say "I am not sure if it is your Dad's teachings and guidance or what it is"?  At the time this made me think, from where I just recently came, having no food or shelter, and the years of what led up to it meant a heck of alot to me, seeing that my esteem was at an all time low- Never knowing what would even become of me.

Knowing that I not only have a good foundation of steady boulders of rocks underneath my feet.  Along with the tools and know how to build higher beneath me- is the greatest gift I was ever given. There have been good and bad times in each of our lives, none which ever daggared our Father/Daughter relaionship.   

When I was in one of my many dumps, he told me he wished for me to dance, to always keep my hunger, that he hoped I would always have one door open if one door shuts and he wished that I would feel small standing on the shores of an ocean.  I can say that I do and have all of these things.  With him by my side is my greatest blessings.  No matter where we are, I still know that he resides in my heart along with his faith, courage and his protection.

Lost In Translation

Lost In Translation

I have to say goodbye, although you are not gone,

I will say I love you over and over because your memory is not long.

I think of the days, when you were on top and had so much to say,

Keep waiting for the day where you will seem OK.

Those days seem like history, where we can talk all night,

I wish you could remember everything with all of my might.

A lifetime of memories, lost at the shore,

never to remember a thing we shared,

nor anything in our hearts and at the very core.

You are My Mother, a love like no other,

Wish you were well, and could remember

all the times we shared, wish you could tell...

the moments we had,

they were not all bad,

to speak of yesterday would mean so much.

The way you were, hard and strong,

I wish for the days from before, 

where we laughed and cried and sored.

So now instead, I wait for a touch, a hug a stroke of the hair,

letting me know you are still there and still care.

I will wait for the day, when I see you smile,

your make up all done, ready to walk a mile.

I will wait for your laugh, to spark up a room,

just because you do not remember does not mean it is all gloom and doom!

If I seem angry, ya your damn right,

I hate seeing my Mother with no memory, no understanding,

with no fight, as if no life...

If I hold a grudge, you better know,

It is not because I don't care, nor love,
it is just hard to understand. I just

REALLY hate the far away looks, the blankness in your eyes and the 

FAR OFF STARES!

Love you Mom.

Clinical Depression Processed

Here in Canada, as you know Winters are hardly bareable, we do make do and as Canadians are use to the scraping of cars, the havoc of the road conditions, trying to make it to work after what I would call a daring ride to say the least.  Getting up and fighting a storm, walking along the icy street walks, although paved-anyone can slip and fall at any given moment, young-old.  That though does not stop us, we still make our way through the blinding storms through Six dark months sometimes of Winter, just to enjoy a spring and summer of cottages, camping, fishing, hunting, swimming, parks, hikes, flowers blooming, green grass, BBQs with family, celebrations of anything are done under the Sun here in Canada.  It is no doubt, though we still make it to work, even hours of a commute, we still walk through town to pick up what is needed, carrying with us parcels while watching your dicey step, no wonder many of Canadians are more then grumpy in the winter, mostly house bound, mostly quiet, long tiring days turn to long tiring nights of shoveling ready to start the next day.  It is no wonder why so many of us wind up clinically depressed.  An illness many do not understand, winter blues, winter blahs, hum bug....Depression shows up time and time again for many in the winter-each of us carrying this depression sometimes feeling numb, dull, joyless, anxious, frazzled, beyond exhausted and anger.  There are many emotions with clinical depression, these emotions are out of control at the best of times and keeping it under foot is a hard task-ONE "single" thing can cause upset, hightened anxiety, extreme emotions and mood swings and anger.  One hurt, one mean word, one finger point, one glance can cause a spiral into a depression that can last months...many times longer, SOME are not able to fight it, although they want to and are more then willing, more then giving it a good try...their depressed state has some how got the better of them.

We do as Canadians see the light at the end of the tunnel, the Sun comes out and up in April and last sometimes until Novemeber...For this we as Canadians say "WE ARE BLESSED" with laughter, food, friendship, outings.  Though many who suffer longer then a winter full of depression with all it's many moods it becomes harder and harder to understand, grasp and know how to even come out from such darkness.  Some don't.

The depressed don't feel love or loved, don't feel happy, they would give anything to have a laugh, get out and about, do something new and fun...enjoy life, but they really don't have it in them...to have a happy go lucky day FEELING so BLUE, feels much like a lie or big sham to them...so for as long as winter lasts, or HOWEVER the depression was TRIGGERED, it should be taken VERY seriously!

It is not just an emotion of having a crap day.  It is a long lingering feeling of dread, that even if one tries to feel happy, they feel guilty...they try to show up at a gathering and have a strong show of a happy face.....they come home sometimes feeling worse, mad at themselves because they FORGOT how to have and feel happy, forgot to have fun..NOT so much as FORGOT as THEY CAN'T although willing, not quite able YET!  Don't give up hope...and please do not make it harder on them...!!!

Many of these people young and old get ridiculed for there jaunted ways through depression, with no understanding....to point and laugh fuels the depression and anxiety more so...then the spiraling begins...the further DOWN becomes a fight to Further UP, if ONE is lucky to feel the eagerness to climb that one more step up from the darkness, they should be cheered on not ridiculed in any way.  The ladder that they are climbing has more steps to get back to ground zero and hopefully for them to soar one day could make there life a life worth living...LET'S GIVE them a CHANCE! 

For people to "THINK" this person is lazy, poor minded, jaded is a mishap on humanity....when really...this person IS FIGHTING FOR THEIR LIFE, their FAMILY, THEIR courage, their zest...TO be able to enjoy the bbqs in the summer months...actually smiling; not fake, actually at a gathering being very social, not anxious, to be able to enjoy the parks, the swimming, the beach...where you can feel the sand in between your toes and actually sigh a relief of...AHHH...THIS FEELS GREAT! 

Don't judge whatever it is that you do not understand......you never know what battles someone is facing behind closed doors...fighting to see another Day AT THE BEACH at BBQS, at the camping ground, the many celebrations to smile again and laugh outloud with REAL cheer.  Us Canadians are tough, we battle not just snow that melts but feelings that have to be FAUGHT to see the Sun and Smile with relief.

The Greatest Gift of all

Kids are great at giving, you see them in the play yard, or hear of them sharing their treats, their packed lunches are shared, clothing is shared on many occasions, hair clips are passed around, make up.  For the boys, toys are shared evenly and effortlessly.  Kids appreciate it, they hug and love to show their friendship and kindness by giving even the shoes off their feet.  I think that is simply remarkable!

The gift of giving creates SUCH joy in the giver and receiver.  It is an exchange of "I have this, you don't-here you go, enjoy"!  I love to give, to many and of many different things.  The act alone, makes me so happy.  I do it on a whim, when I am not in want or need of something-or even if I do like the item a lot, do still want it, may still need it, may still be dear to me-but feel the other person would benefit much greater then me by having this or that, big or small.  I love the random acts of kindness, of sharing, giving, the thought behind it and the energy it gives you and as well, others.  

I saw a show a few months ago, where this group of individuals was using a "Happy Meter Device"  Everyone scored a "Happy Reading" except the one girl out of the group.  Although she was smiling, laughing, she did not score Happy.  The group of individuals tried everything to SEE what would make this girl happy.  They gave her new puppies to play with for a day, still she did not READ HAPPY.  They took her shopping and although smiling and having a great time, still the meter did not READ HAPPY.  They sent her to the salon to get her hair and nails done, still smiling, although NOT HAPPY.  Then, they gave this girl a Million Dollars, not hers, but she was set on a task to give this JACK POT to someone random.  She picked someone who she thought could use it a random passer by.  FINALLY, after handing over a MILLION dollars for the gentleman to keep, SHE scored Happy on the Happy Device.  GIVING creates lasting joy, for me and for many.

You do not have to give material items, it could be time, helping someone in need somehow, even just a smile on the street as you walk by, or a great talk with someone you know.  That for me is the greatest gift, the gift of giving...anytime or way...If you are thinking, OH I have nothing...NO, not true.  You may have a talent of knitting, or crafting like my true sister in law, and gift her items regularily that she creates from ground up, from her joy and creativity, her love as she makes things and gifts them out.  I heard one girl, pick up board games and puzzles for  the nursing homes and just dropped them off at the door-HOW sweet is that???  If someone has not a lot and you have much of what is missing, in all cases GIVE.  

Giving at Birthdays and perhaps other occasions is great, it does set the tone for a season or day, but to give random acts of kindness, a listening ear, a smile, a telephone call to someone who may need a friend, anything you can give from your heart is a sentiment really saying, YOU are LOVED and VALUED, YOU are WORTHY and IMPORTANT, YOU are THOUGHT of.  

What would it mean say if the person you are giving to is about to give up, they have lost hope, to them their life is bleak, they can not see the silver lining, they have no reason to be joyful about tomorrow and want to call it quits.  What would it mean if some random stranger went up to that person who was all out of hope and no zest for living.  What would it mean if that person was randomly given a Lotto ticket perhaps worth more then they could ask for, or perhaps even a picked flower, or a coffee just handed to them...anything to just say...I see you, and there are better days ahead.  That person would possibly light up and be able to crawl out of their despair and set off on a new day...looking forward to tomorrow and the next.  

You never know what one smile would do, one flower perhaps, something so small or soo huge that you could actually MAKE that person's LIFE, by showing the good Nature of HUMAN KIND.  If kids can do it, why can't we?  Making a difference to show support, value and love in a way of giving and sharing

is the best gift of all.

A Prayer For Life

A Prayer For Life

Keep us warm and full,

Give each of us Good will.

Give us peace as we set our day,

Give us love from June until May.

Let us count our blessing on our fingers and toes,

Help the sick, weak and poor, become healthy and strong.

Let us hold you with us every where we go.

Let us forgive ourselves and others when we go wrong,

Let us start each day with a beautiful song.

Help us give thanks for the Life you 

gave,

Let us be aware of all we have, because we were saved.

Let us be tender to our Families, with welcome and good cheer,

Lead us to light, far away from fear.

We have so much because of you,

Let us not waist our life, or anything we do.

AMEN

True Peace Within

True peace within.  What does peace mean to you, are you a peaceful person.  I like to think I am, although blunder in comparison to most.  I do love peace and quiet, not too quiet, but always love a sense of calm throughout my day, my house and environment.  In the face of chaos, though can you still remain peaceful.  For me, I am only human and can handle things the way I know how-though Peace is what I search for on my daily outings, my chats with others, when the tide hits, I love to try to remain calm through all matters, although of course sometimes it gets the better of me.

Everyone is dealing with something, something big, something that feels beyond them, something small.  When I see people smiling through it all, it gives me a sense of hope, and reason to keep carrying on, joyful and peaceful.  When what they may be going through may be much more hurtful and much more delicate then I.  Some people say, to me...how do you do it, keep going the way you do with all that you entail in your life.  Like everyone, you just got to keep going, keep the faith, keep love alive, try to smile through any hardships.  When though one has a lot on there plate or shoulders, and no way to release them, no way to have a sense of understanding....that is when the sickness comes in with Mental Health and healing.  The reason why I talk about releasing the hardships in life, over and over, until able to handle more and then release more.  It becomes second nature.  

As someone who has dealt with Mental Health and still does, not as difficult as it was.  I can honestly say, the tools and tactics I use, are the most helpful in recovery.  Don't let life roll you over!  I tend to think, everyday for survival.  How am I feeling physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually?  What is missing today or feeling heavy that I have to over come, deal with...so that I can continue to be Mentally Fit?  I always pay close attention to my body.  Almost like a scan everyday to see how I am feeling, relating to the World around me.  What feels off...and HOW do I fix it using my tactics?  May seem ridiculous to some...not me, for me it works and allows me to most times, not all...remain calm and if I do have a melt down, I am able to put the peaces back together with my tools and tactics.  I say to myself when feeling...off...What can I do to FEEL BETTER...just as if you had a cold to tend to, you would have to do what you need to to get on your feet again.  The tools are as individual as the person and very vital.  A release gives not just a quick fix, but once you find out what works for you...you can use it next time, also you can tweak your tool how you like it.  

If your tool is going for a walk...what would make it so inspiring for you, how can you get the most of your walk or hike to come back being totally refreshed, being and feeling whole again, with yourself...so that there is no suffering.  You chip away at your ill feelings, or illness one by one..until you knock your illness right to the ground.  The tools you choose, are relaxation measures...also hobbies, things that make you joyful, happy, content and whole.  I change mine here and there...some remain constant, some change over time or I tweak them, when I find it is not working anymore.  Wanting to remain peaceful as the tough get going and the rough waters appear.  It for me is a constant understanding of asking my self, HOW do I feel right now, HOW does my body, mind, and spirit feel and I do everything through out the day to make it a top priority TO just FEEL good.  Remain Positive, Remain Peaceful.