Self Esteem and Your Sense of Self

I use to have a low self esteem!  Use to!  I worked hard on gaining a higher self esteem over the years.  Priorly, I would fill my void of a once low self esteem through material measures.  I would buy clothes, purses, shoes-anything that would make me feel good.  A day later, with less money in my new purse, I would fall flat and still think thoughts of unworthiness.  It is a task having a better self image and one that people can tackle.  To feel good about yourself takes a lot of work.  Everyone is unique; you hear that time and time again.  Do you feel special and worthy or have a poor self esteem and poor self image. 

I never thought I deserved very much, if it was a job or career I was working towards-I would talk myself down and out of the job, never believing in myself.  My self esteem got in the way of a prosperous future and I never gave the chance for myself to flourish!  If I was waitressing I would drop things because of my shyness and jittery nature, if I was a cahiere early in my working career I would fumble and forget to give five cents here and ten cents there, never really being naturally gifted with Math skills.  I could get jobs and finished a lot of schooling, but two years into the job or even Months into the job I would start to put myself down.  People would see this in me and I would never make it very far.  To devuldge this is an act of a higher sense of self in itself.  I would worry to much and then sabatoge my career goals.  In saying this, over the last Fourteen years I did alot of work on myself.  I worked on the inner self by accomplishing things.

Accomplishment is really to me what life is all about.  I was always driven that is for sure, never giving up on myself throughout anything.  I finished Aesthetics and began a brand new chapter in my Life in 2000.  I put myself through school, while working at a nursing home taking care of the residense.  At that time worked at a local high end Spa to enter in the field.  It of course is a very feast or famine career choice and they say, it takes as much hard work to inch your way in that field as it does a singer...it took a lot of patience, practice, time and effort.  I loved it though for the years I did do Aesthetics.  I started only knowing the basics and ended up with a Reflexology Certificate, a Facial Level Two Certificate, a Reiki Certificate-Hot Stone Therapy etc.  I lite right up when I was nurturing my clients.  That sense of accomplishment gave me such a great sense of self worth.  More and more I had returning customer's, happy customer's, friendly customer's.  Still though my self esteem was meak and mild.

When I was young in school, I had a rough go.  I never really grasped any concept fully!  I was in many activities but they too never did much for my self esteem.  I had to really work on it.

I have known people through my life who are never happy.  They say; "Only if I had this or that".  I feel also, while I gained my self esteem I had to be thankful for what I had and grateful for the life I lived.  I really do count my blessings everyday!  In any time of crises I sit there with my Husband and we count Ten blessings right then and there.  It not only alleviates the crises but puts us on a higher road and we feel better.

The young girls of today the ages between Five and Ten or Eleven fascinate me.  Whatever they are teaching in schools is working.  I see these girls; two being my cousins and one being our niece get up and stand up on stage sharing a speech or poem.  They have such high standards for themselves and they are true to themselves, accepting themselves!  I see it in so many young girls.  They talk nicely and are respectful of other's and themselves.  Whatever their family is teaching them is going a long way!  I have met such nice people through my shows and signings, these young kids really have a great attitude and great sense of self!

When I was going to school it was so competitive, work became so competitive that I was at a loss.  Working on my gratitude made me feel great.  Through all of the hard work of writing I was able to find myself.  Not everyone does find themselves and accept themselves as who they are.  Now I basically am able to say this is me, take it or leave it! 

I had to start of on my self esteem journey of knowing my likes and dislikes, that was hard-so had to start with the dislikes.  I meditated everyday by nearby beaches or by walking within nature.  Everyday I woke up and had to say self accepting words to myself.  I did this since the year 2000.  I had to learn that not everyone is going to like me and the same, I am not going to like everyone.

Life is difficult, somedays are wonderful, some days you just want to call it a day and crawl beneath the sheets and hide your head.  I had to learn a different way to react, a different way to see the world and the people within it.  I can't say I was never picked on in school-I think everyone is picked on somehow here and there.  It is in those momments you have to love yourself even more.

One tactic I used to feel more vibrant and became easier on myself was not only by pampering other's;  Also, pampering myself!  If the day was more difficult I would give myself a facial or paint my toe nails.  I also learned that it felt so good just to give to someone else.  When I was younger I had so many people helping me, that I chose to help other's in any way that I could.  Either give a token of my friendship or help someone in any way they needed.  Although giving too much and winding up empty isn't any good either!

Be good to yourself.  If you aren't sure where to start, think of something you really love to do.  If it is a movie you want to watch to just kick back, or a craft to finish, listening to music, going for a drive or walk, watch the sunset.  Anything to allow yourself to put you in a proper frame of mind and settle.

I sometimes have panic attacks, mostly because I had the thought that no body liked me.  Now, I know a lot of people that do like me even love me.  Some people have a hard time showing it, some will not ever like you for whatever reason.  What is important is that you like yourself. 

I would also have to pick ten things that I liked about myself everyday, or one or two or three.  Working on myself is an endless journey of self discovery.  Some days I am still very hard on myself, some of us are our worst critics.  Enjoy yourself, work on accomplishing things, say nice things about yourself to yourself, find time to pamper yourself and find joy in the life you live.  Be good to yourself and do put yourself first.  I know someone that puts other's in front of her and never really feels taken care of or nurtured and then her glass is half empty, doing to much for other's is great just make sure you are taking care of yourself, your inner, health, emotional, spiritual, outer and physical. 

Try one or two things to make you feel just awesome inside.  Things only you know that will make you feel like a Million bucks!  Start small if you were like me and sabatoged just about everything that you have or had.  Be kind and gentle to yourself....Everyone is Loveable