I am NOT crazy, I AM pregant!

Three years ago my husband and I decided to try to conceive.  Nothing was working.  Although it did bother me in many ways, I thought `well-this is what The Man ABOVE wants for us...NO kids`.  My Husband an artist and illustrator and me a children's author and writer, I thought in all fairness to me, "Well, I guess I have the chance to work on my writing career and my husband and partner on his art adventures and career."  I really never thought it was possible for kids.  Although I wasn't going to go to all lengths to conceive, I thought to myself "I will be a great aunt to my Nephews and Nieces and be a great Wife to my partner, while working on my craft; writing and him his art pieces and illustrations". Sweet!

Now, fourteen books writen, Six published and Three on the way to being published; me being 38 and husband 42, with his art being sold in upcoming gala`s and events and selling his masterpieces.....I thought, "I will be happy with that"  It was in the back of my mind, I must admit.  I did feel cheated, thought about adoption and other options; though knowing I would never try any medical measures-to me it was nature and So Be It.

This past 2 years I was on a plight to health, harmony and happiness.  I naturally lost 70lbs, no dieting-as I don`t partake or believe in any sort of dieting...just Health! I ate and drank only healthy drinks...with the odd 400 calarie intake of Hot Chocolate minus the whip cream.  I took up dance and went to a latin inspired dance class twice a week.  I was feeling GREAT!  I got off my medication that was gaining the weight and causing havoc with my emotions.  The pharmasist I went to was on my side...He called it ``My Little Experiment...!  I got all my teeth fixed and polished and made sure they were all pearly whites.  A once xl or 1x- I became a size small...and felt fabulous.  I made sure I made ammends with any one I harmed in my life that I did not know or wasn't aware that I harmed.  I made complete peace with my past and my LIFE as it was.

One day out of manic emotion I called a health supplement store, we talked and she told me and sent articles of her supplement that helps with fertility.  I turned down the offer for her supplement as we began to talk, she said she could help me differently and wanted to call me and "TALK"...I said "Ok, you seem to know a lot...why not"?  One night she spent two hours talking with me and praying, I thought "couldn't hurt to pray about this, and her prayers were LOUD and CLEAR"  I let go of all hurts from the past, forgave anyone I harmed and forgave myself for any harm, I told her of my other life problems and we prayed about those too.  Then on my birthday she took me out for tea and lunch.  I felt at ease speaking to this lady and again we prayed.  I am a positive person...but praying, although I believe works...My faith may not have been as strong as I thought.

After speaking to this lady, I continued with my life, still writing, striving, She told me that "miracles can happen..."  So as easily as she said that, I BELIEVED in miracles right then and there.  Also, in turn I began to believe in myself!

I was determined...I thought, I can do this, WE can make a Baby, with HIS help!   I thought this is what we want and HE said we can have miracles in our Life!  I made a Dr's appointment for something way different then about conceiving, I had stomach issues, My wonderful family Dr. sent me to have my very first ultra sound, being 38, he knew my history very well.  As soon as I saw the Ultra Sound Technician I randomly asked how my reproductive system is, He said "FINE, NOTHING WRONG WITH IT" 

"WOAH?, WHAT?"  I thought, Wow really I have a fighting chance.  Two months to the Day I am Now Two months Pregnant, with our VERY first child.  Prayers answered, determination full force, belief in my self and the heavens all restored, forgiving my past and myself and others completely. 

We had no clue until this year Sept 08th, We had no clue as we were moving boxes and moving into a bigger place Sept 1st-A house and out of our small 500 sq ft apartment, that was quite crammy.  NOW, having an extra room that we can put to good use!  My career swiftly moving along, My husbands career off and running as we still pationatly tackle all our creative endeavors.  I am exactly today two months pregnant.

We went to the Ultra Sound this week, I was nervous, I never realized that once you find out you are pregnant you are given two seconds of elation and then now 7 more months of worry.  Lucky, I have great friends and family to walk me through it and relinquish my worry.  A great husband who has 4 sisters who have been through this before and a very supportive Mother, Father, In Laws and Neighbours.

We woman think about kids, want kids, feel the need and want to nurture.  There were many things at play maybe working against me, my jitters, my anxiety, other areas I had to work on.  NOW I KNOW...Even though I have a Mental Health issue, that does not mean I am not capable of being a wonderful MOM.  I really thought in my heart of hearts that I didn't deserve a child in my life because I have Bipolar, even though I worked vigourasley on every issue at hand day in and out! I gave myself my own stereotype and stigmatised myself into thinking, I AM NOT WORTHY or GOOD enough to have a child of my own...

MIND over MATTER, my Father always taught me.  I am healthy, wise, happy, more then content, have a wonderful partner, a Career I am proud of and now a belief in myself that I can have bipolar and be a perfectly FIT mother for Our baby, meant just for US...Bipolar or not, this baby is going to be LOVED, adored, nurtured, held, respected, given peace, I will teach him or her how to dance like I did with all my younger cousins and nieces and nephews.  I can teach, guide and ``help`` mold, give advise when needed.  While my husband can also, LOVE, adore, nurture, hold, respect, give light and peace, teach to colour and show his great skills of art and all things beautiful and colourful in the World.  So Yes, I am not crazy but I am PREGNANT!