What I have Learned Thus Far

We all learn things here and there, better ways of being, better ways of seeing things and maybe along the way you are able to help someone or many people while continuing to change and grow, helping them in turn change and grow, as they are also a source for you to reflect on change.  I learned a valuable lesson in 2014 one that will take me through the rest of my being.  Years ago I learned how to say No, that was hard for me.  I would feel guilty if someone asked something of me and I could not give and if I did, I would end up empty handed.  I was being guilted into giving. 

This year, although now almost mirrored as a cliche as the New Year is far behind us, my resolution sticks in 2015.  I overcame something that I really did not even know was an issue, ever so slowly though, the issue was growing bigger and bigger.  Now I choose my time wisely, not caught up in the middle of other peoples issues.  Prior, there always seemed to be some crisis, something I was either digging out of, or someone else that I was wrapped up in.  Today I have learned to stay distant from the triggers that would hold me back, hold me down, feeling insecure because of all the crisis of either myself or others.  When in reality, now knowing that other peoples crisis are not my own.  Now, I feel safe to say that I am able to be around the "stress" but with that, I do not give in to the on goings of others.  Really, I had to put my priorities in order.  I really had to put myself first, my health first, my mental health first, family first, my home and loved ones.

I had to come away from the upset and just know that if I want to survive mentally I can not harbour other peoples issues and make them my own.  I am a sensitive being, I have been told that many times.  My Mother can have a friend who is going through a crisis but she does not carry their issue, she is able to help as much as she can without jepeopridising her faith, her conviction, her health or her home.  I wanted that, to stand on the outskirts, still caring but not carrying other peoples emotions.  Now I can really say, that it is very refreshing, turning the other cheek, not getting mixed up and caught up.  Where if I had a bad day at work, it would turn into a bad week, month then year.  One little upset would seriously put me through the ringer. 

I have finally learned how it feels to distant myself from situations that do not serve me.  Now I deal with things when I am ready or not at all if it does not concern me.  Other peoples issues on top of my own was really to much for me to bare. 

Now I can really say that my home is my castle, my time with my loved ones is significant more now then ever, my survival tactics are better, my relationships are ones of ease and respect.  I think that is a milestone in my recovery although I have had many obstacles and many things to help me WANT to grow.  To be able to easily say yay or nay and now to respect myself enough to allow or disallow is effortless.

My Mother says all the time, all you can worry about is you and if I told her about an upset, she would say- "Not Your Problem"  Now I finally got it.