On Being Alone

I have sat and thought about this concept for a long time, being alone.  People say, you are never really alone and that is a sure comfort when thinking about or faced with being alone for the first time. You are not alone, is a wonderful saying when struck by a harsh illness, or even mindset.  Knowing that you are not the only one to have to endure and their are similar people out there that have gone or are going through the very same. 

What if though, you have never lived alone, been alone for more then a couple weeks at a time, or you ultimately have to decide between being alone or with a companion you have known for some time; possibly a life time.  What if you find yourself with no other choice but to live alone.  How does that resonate with you?  Feelings of uncertainty for sure, the unknown of being alone for the first time in your life can cause many people to feel scared, unsure and perhaps a bit torn up about the predicament they are in.  Though, living alone, in your own space is actually a gratifying, uplifting and a very nurturing time.  I was once afraid to live on my own, when I finally had to live in the comfort of my own skin, with my very own belongings, with a home made for one, without having to worry about anyone except myself.  I can say now that the time I gave myself to be on my own, think for just myself, was the most alive I have ever felt.

Coming home to an empty place, well...what do you do then?  You have no one to answer to, no one questioning you, no one to call for supper, no one to clean for even.  Everything you do on your new venture of living alone is just for you, without feeling selfish because dinner is no ready on time, with out having to check the clock to make sure that someone is ready on time so no one is late for whatever endeavor, that really has nothing to do with you.  With only you to shop for, you to live for.  It is and was the best time in my life.  Every right or wrong choice I made, affected me and no one else.  Living alone, is also the most liberating experience and nothing to be weary of, afraid of, or unsure of.  Let's face it, if you burn dinner, who are you disappointing, certainly not you when you would rather have a big bowl of ice cream anyways.

Those little things, eating ice cream for dinner, going to bed when you feel like it, late or early, your not disappointing anyone.  Living alone was the most gladly selfish and nurturing that I ever was.  Some I talk to are still afraid of this big moment of single hood.  Today before writing about loneliness in my blog, I decided to look up synonyms of the big A word, I can really see why so many have this idea that being alone is scary or a huge concern filled with anxiety, words like forsaken, desolate, abandoned or even cast aside.  I can understand why people have this fear.  Though, going through it, the big A-is not that at all. 

Instead It is the most magnificent time in ones life, whether you are 25 or 85.  Living in your own company with your favourite shows, your favourite book, where you are never really disturbed from reading it, or going for a walk or run at any time you like.  Every decision during this time is all about you.  Never having to make an excuse, or tell anyone why you decided to leave the dishes.  That in itself is just plain out terrific.  If you feet like just laying in bed all day, you can.  If you feet like going for a drive at 2 am, you can.  If you feel like ordering pizza every day of the week, you can.  Everything about being alone is, yes you can.  Because really, who is there to stop you? 

I was once afraid of this Isolation.  When really, the things I learned about myself, my likes, my favourite jar of peanut butter even-prior I had no idea which I liked crunchy or smooth?  In the end learning all of these fantastic facts about myself, I became more interesting, I became an individual for the first time, I was independent and could count on myself, and I never felt alone, not even the first minute.  All these things we sometimes take for granted we learn to recognise, things about us we never knew, we never even thought about are now in the forefront in our minds, from daily tasks, to days of leisure, to sitting in cuddled, eating popcorn-if that is what you like?  Or hey, maybe you don't like popcorn at all- your just found out, that you actually hate popcorn and would much rather a bowl of Cheerios.  I actually became gitty about being alone.  It is empowering, enjoyable, life altering and magical.  My independence and the level of confidence that I gained, was strengthening!  It was the most I had ever loved myself up until that time and that grew within me through out the next years...

The words I would use to describe being alone are anything but lonely.  They were exciting, vibrant, full of life with a thirst for living, it was tranquil, peaceful, fun, nurturing, energizing and gratifying.  Remembering that you are never really alone is a perfect thing to say to someone who needs comfort.  Knowing that it will be the most amazing and lively experience you will ever have in your life.  Grab the A word by the horns and go with it, once you have you will never have to be afraid of the big L word-loneliness again.