The Meat and Potatoes of Mental Illness

When I was young, around 13 years old and prior, my friends would be in the school yards-the words of name calling were every where.  I don't think a day went by when we didn't say the word "Psycho, or Nuts even Crazy."  Though not knowing what these words even meant.  Not just saying these words, but using them at random and a drop of a hat; easily telling someone "they are psycho, nuts, crazy".  It became apparent in the 80s this was a word that simply slipped from our lips on the play grounds, walking down the street etc.  We did not know much about Mental Illness back then, we did not talk about different mental health struggles in schools nor at home.  I did not know what Bipolar was, or Schizophrenia was even though we said Schizo a dozen times a week in my younger years, it was much like calling someone a Nob or a Pinhead out of either love or indifference or even hate.  I never knew anything about these issues until I started becoming aware and involved in my courses that I took of Child and Youth Worker and Sociology.  Now, I don't hear people saying these harsh words-maybe since we know more about them, are taught about them in schools earlier on and at home earlier on.

When I started taking my Sociology and Human Nature courses...I learned a lot.  Even learning about them I struggled with understanding how one would feel, relate to the world around us and even over come so many of these illnesses.  At the same time as I was studying to become a Sociologist or Child and Youth Worker in the mid 90s...The Taboo subject of Mental Illness, Dysfunctional families etc...were becoming more apparent world wide, as you would see such shows devoted to these issues on talk shows every day, or less...every week.  People were becoming knowledgeable, interested and more focused on the grief that comes with these ailments.  At that time, I had close friends at my University also taking the courses right along with me....My first year, I barely past....the second year, I was actually coming on top..Finally getting the hang of my subject-criminology, sociology, deviance, etc...I was getting 90s in classes where I use to struggle heavily.  My friends and I would study together...party together...live together....get by on a campus budget together...!!  It was all coming together...!!

No one said at that time in the 90s and further anymore-"Oh she is nuts, he is schizo".  People were not only learning, but becoming empathetic about Mental Health.  Right after I got my first grade of 90%, I still could not keep my stress level at bay.  The 2 years of University, the stress of wondering if I was even going to make it through, was enough to cause my stress to elevate to a level that I could not handle.  I stopped sleeping, stopped making sense and became someone who actually had to deal with a mental health crisis situation.  My background, many things intertwined-I would learn later had something to do with the cause of the symptoms.  My friends tried everything to help me sleep, they were great friends and guides as this illness seemed to over take me.  I ended up leaving school...missing my exams and dealing with a death in the family all while being admitted to the hospital for mental health.  It was a crummy time in my life.

Thinking back from the 80s until now, I feel somewhat relieved I grew up in an era where Mental Health was becoming not just a HOT topic, but one where people really did want to understand.  It was a frightening time, my family was dealing with it their way, I had to deal with it my way.  I don't think people I met along the way put much of a stigma towards me, they all tried to be accepting....BUT I was not able to accept myself as I was!  I believe from the poor self image I gave myself, I put the stigma onto me..feeling out of sorts, feeling every mixed emotion, thinking I was the only one!  NOW, people are popping up everywhere, who have had dealings with Mental Health....I feel blessed that I did not have to reside in a place in time where Mental Health was dealt with in an improper sense...We have made leaps and bounds..I feel very heartfelt how our society has welcomed these illnesses as part of our culture. 

Having the world psycho being past around on the school yards is history...as we were young, we did not even know the meaning...in a sense back then it was like saying to someone "YOUR hair is green".  Made no difference, our hair wasn't green, so we moved on and laughed and played.  I always knew I was different, I did!  I did not know what it was but I remember looking at myself in grade 2 thinking, well I am the same size as most of my classmates, I have the same clothes..I am kinda average and later pretty typical..?? Never knowing why I felt something was wrong....I was just me, I did not really know what nuts meant back then...so even if someone did call me nuts...I would not know the harshness of the reality of that word.

The stigma I hear many times is worse then the illness....for me I can agree...!!  Going to work in a full blown episode kinda feels like a fog and type of dream that no one knows what is going on with you??  So, for many times, I felt brushed aside, not able to cope like others at my work place, not able to talk about it openly with employers...who would want someone that may end up in the hospital for stress relief.  So in that, I feel now, people are more accepting.  I was lucky to have the guidance of my Grand Mother, My Nanny, who did hide for years in the 40s and 50s not telling a soul how she felt, or if she was ill...she kept that secret..very well...I could not!

Now, people talk openly about anxiety, depression and so on.  People don't have to become emberrased or even ridiculed to the state of isolation or worse.  I am proud of our society for allowing such consideration on these subjects, feel poorly of course for being part of the 80s where we yelled out these harsh words on the school yards, but very glad that those days are over..and we live in a country that is so diverse that it is even accepting of the ill and weak, so that "they can become strong minded and well, even HAPPY and a part of the whole"  Happy Health to all!