Healthy Bounderies

I do know quite a bit about setting healthy bounderies.  To see me, you would not think I was a perhaps tough girl to be reckoned with and never put this character type out front.  I guess people would think niceness was a gateway into their using?  Being taken advantage of in different forms has taught me over about a 6 Year span to draw a line where needed.  Nipping "it" in the bud, prior to advantage takers is timely, and a thoughtful process.  Before, I would meet a new person in my life, hoping to be friends all while giving and being the YES person.  This has got me into trouble, usually by the end of the friendship, I was with no money due to giving to that person who I could not say NO to, also feeling empty and once again alone.  It was difficult to say NO to the ones who took advantage, a big circle to put the heaves on.  Realizing the person only really wanted anything I had and not my friendship-well I could not live with that, learning if you were going to like me it would have to be for my true character, not what I could give of myself or material.  Although I am a huge believer on giving to anyone in need, it is my religion truly and I live by it faithfully.  To have to draw a line, a boundery to say this is not allowed, should not be, is harder-unless you see the pattern and nip it in the bud right from the get go.

Then after setting bounderies, the ones who are left with you to actually be part of your life in some way are the true friends, companions, worth spending time on, and giving.  After saying NO to one person 6 times it becomes easier.  It is almost like a peer pressure type of motion.  After saying NO a few or more times, you get the hang of it and others get the hint.  Either leaving your side or sticking by you because they are truly fond of you not your belongings.  You feel stronger after I believe the 3rd Nay and can easily do it in the future.

The trick then becomes who to give to and who not.  So, you meet a new person who your getting along with famously, you decide to be giving for no reason, it is not Christmas, Easter or a Birthday.  How can you tell who and when to give again without loosing yourself emotionally and everything.  So that you are not left empty.  You get to know along the way who you can give faithfully too without being taken advantage of, if they are interested in what you say, how you laugh perhaps, your relationship with them and everything else is a bonus.  They want you around but not for your riches in whatever form, they want you around for you bubbly personality.  You can see it in there eyes when you visit, their eyes light right up-you spend time, nothing is asked of you or them.  You then know, this person truly wants you in their life for you and nothing else.  

Then you really want to show your appreciation for their appearance in your life, a small gesture of giving to show your affection, the response is WOW, how did you know, or WOW, they are so thankful.  You are not doing it of course for any old reason but to say, I thought you would like this and think of you often.  You are not giving a token of a gift to get back either, it is just a small way to show you care.  If at some point they reciprocate with something they would like to give, then that is fine too-and you know that this person is not out, nor you to take as much as they can and off and away they go.  No, to trust that you can give without worry of being taken advantage of is pleasure for you and the receiver.  Then you have a real friend, bounderies are set and friendships can flourish.  To give without expecting or to take without expecting is a line, but once you learn to say NO to the ones who do want, want, want, take and take until empty is the first step.  After that it is a response of knowing who to give to without pressure to give or stress to give.  

Giving should be a pleasant gesture not a bowl you over way of thinking, NOW everything you have is mine.  To set a healthy boundery takes practice, BUT well worth the Nay's to give to the ones who are appreciative.  Then to give freely has such gratification in it.  To be taken for a ride does not.  Sadly having to decipher through who is in it for the good is a process...but well worth it in the end.  Of course you do not have to give, but it is a fresh feeling that leaves you and the other trusted soul with so much happiness, just to know that they were a thought in your day is all it really is about.  Not the amount or type of token, the act is the thought behind it.  Give to anyone either knowingly or not, but have YOUR own back first and foremost to know that you will be respected still by others where

you do not have to draw a line of respectful bounderies.  Then it is TRUE friendship of feeling of goodness and pleasure along the way and you can sit back and enjoy the flourishing relationships that you seek.