Normal and Bipolar; Do I look Bipolar?

It pains me today to be this angry, this upset so now I will release like I usually do with my many moods and normalcy of being human that I always do.  Yes, I have bipolar-I say it loud and clear.  I can hide it, really know one would know.  People say that to me over and over..."oh you don't seem bipolar".   You wouldn't know it, but I am.  Also first and foremost I am HUMAN.  With the feelings like everybody, all with the same issues.  I have learned in this life everyone has the same basic issues and problems in life-whether you are Bipolar, Depressed, OCD, ADD, ADHD, Narcisistic, Emotionally unavailable, Social anxieties.  Man can you see this list!  All of us suffer, more now then ever.  Too, bad it is the one's who feel oblivious to these issues, diseases that get me.  There was a time when such illnesses were not spoke about.  That era is gone.  Be free with your illness and for goodness sake please don't think of us as weak, unstable or invalid!

It is sad what these illnesses do to families, over time I believe some how families give up, sometimes thinking that they are oblivious and stronger for that which they don't know.  Recently my Partner and I have had something tremendous happen in our lives.  Something we have been wanting, pondering, thinking out, planning.  Being Bipolar and also normal as the next, some can not feel happy for us....thinking we won't cut it.  Dear reader, sorry for my candadness but I will say it time and time again....you would be surprised at what US SICK people are capable of.  Remarkable things, I heard many people smart people say that people with Grave mental illnesses are geniuses.  We may think different, but please don't point out our flaws and please don't think we are not as capable as the next.  For me personally, I grew up like most not knowing I had this illness, I just thought everyone felt like me-actually how could you tell.  Maybe Teacher's noticed me being happy, excited, elated.  Hey that is me, I like to laugh, smile and I also do get down.

To be shunned aside and I am sorry gossiped about whether you are young, old or in between is a true saddness and it happens everywhere.  Do you know that gossip kills.  Gossip of any nature, hurts and deeply.  It always get's back to you and you always feel that vibe when you are with people that talk behind your back.  That my friends is another form of bullying, it is the worst to hear you have been talked about meanly.  I know some people I haven't seen really or really know not much about me, who use to know me-somehow people mask you, cloak you with an idea of what is what about you.  For fun, to feel better...to gain understanding and be compassionate I don't think so.  Here I am fighting battles that with and I will say awesome counsellor have ridden myself of so many things, other things pop up-but hey either cut us some slack or try to be a friend.  Of course we try to overcome so many things, who likes being sick.  Yes it is easier to smile even though right around the corner you hear snickers and whispers...as an empathist I can see, feel and hear them just from one glance.  No this blog is not like me at all, anger-hey an emotion that I am not good at. 

So yes, I am normal and I do have bipolar, to think though that I can not survive in a life that I love....a life I cherrish, because I have seen bad times....to think that having an illness and all that it partakes makes you weak, less then, someone to point out and declare invalid, not able to pay a bill....the fact that this hipocrytical thinking that we are unable to handle life's dillemma's, issues...everyday issues, when we fight sometimes yearly and nightly for the next morning to come.  To think that we as sufferers would even balk at a high electric bill, when sometimes we are fighting for our life.....sorry life wins out and the electric bill can be paid.  It is often funny to me to know that I am closer to the receptionist at my doctors then I am to some of my family.  That they choose not to validate anything of concern in my life.  That I can get up infront of a crowd and dance like no ones business because I went to a school with mighty fine dancers who taught me.  That my drama lessons taught me how to get up in front of a crowd with out even a wimper of anxiety.  To be able to sleep soundly and be grateful everyday I am at the momment not sick and haven't been for a while.  To think that any worry you have for me, really means anything-because I am going to make it no matter what you think or say to other's behind my back or to my face.

So yes, there are many things that I personally am capable of...so many things....what pains me is that kids too go through this-with MORE kids then just a few people in the family that have wrong way thinking.  Kids who have any sort of mental health struggle, struggle far more then the older one's like me, the veterans.  And I am sorry that this is not like me-but enough is enough.  Life is life, but no thank you, I will not subject myself to further discrimination.  The awful thing about it is that I don't have to show up, these kids in school have to.  They have to go to school, head held high-trying to learn to get ahead.  Please know your words hurt....so please stop segregating us...we are no different then you.  We are quite capable of paying bills, hey a lot of us are geniuses I hear in many sences of the word.  So to all of you who do have these such illnesses and are young-be proud to be different...that you don't have to lead a boring mondain life, you get the chance dear young friends to be something some people only wish they can be.  This is not an "oh it's ok blog"  because now, it is no longer ok.  Anger yes an emotion; I am sure you can feel it from my fingertips.  Please youngsters, show my generation up and be supportive, be friendly, open, concerned and helpful!  Please don't belittle, put down, gossip, snicker or whisper...be better then the adults and show us how to be compassionate and know that you are just as normal and we are just as sain as anyone.  Everyone thinks differently, everyone has challenges.  Please young generation....show us the way and make it a positive environment for you and your peers.  Be loving, caring and peaceful and pass that on to the next!  Look at the person in your class who does not have any friends and be that friend because they just may be the most interesting person you will ever meet.  With a brain, emotions, feelings and they are probably much more valid as apposed to invalid then you might think.  I don't usually blog in this matter, as you can see-enough is enough!  This behaviour has got to stop.  Why not the younger generations put a stop to it, since our silly nature of gossiping to feel better about ourselves is what we thrive off of.  Show us up!