Really How Selfish Am I?

This week again has taught me so much-SO MUCH!  Little mondain thing's that have annoyed me over the past few weeks seem so trivial to say the least compared to what a horrible tradgedy like Mr. Robyn Williams death.  Even though I am a Mental Health advocatate, speaker and survivior; here I was last week complaining about the silliest of matters.  Getting down yes and complaining for me is something I really try to watch with my words and self.  So what it is raining here in Canada and having a cool summer, so what that I didn't get to buy that fancy dress but had to put it on hold for a week or two.  So what that everything doesn't happen when I want them too and so what everything!  Complain brings more complaints.  For one, with my anxiousness I have to watch that part of myself, to be in the momment and yes still try to think positive.  Here I am worried about fortunate matters in my life.  Where not just Mr. Williams, but I know so many are hanging on by a thread just to wake up tomorrow and see the sunlight, smiling faces and their families.

Good things happen all the time, bad things happen hourly.  To sit and mope and just crave for more and more...man I should have learned by now.  When I heard about Robyn's death, it swung me right back into gratitude mode.  I was however chanting my gratitude list over and over, but still caught in an anxious trap with my daily life.  Here people everywhere, seriously don't have half of what I have.  Still though, the humanity I see in everyday life-man us humans still have so much to learn.  I have my health and that and a roof and loved one's is more then anyone can ever ask for.  Of course I am human and go back and forth with my lessons, the one's I teach myself and the one's I am taught by the universe.  How dare I complain, when I have dinner everynight, a warm bed, a warm blanket, lights.  Do you ever notice as elementary as this is that when and if your power goes out for an hour here or there, how everything stops...and you only wish the lights would turn back on. 

There are people struggling, everyday and shame on me because I have been there, could be there again.  So slapped in the face when I heard of Robyn's Tragic death, it really did make me feel saying to myself...MAN I AM LUCKY.  All the stupid complaints over a week span all erased, just knowing that I am alive and well and that is all I need.  Yes great things will happen and over and over.....bad things will happen, over and over.  To accept a limitation on a situation is success.  As well being able to smile still, look at the world around me/us...and feel grateful to be some part of it.  Learning of others and what they are going to really kicks you over and over to be happy with what you have.  I know that there are some people that have it so good and never really feel that sense of gratititude-instead they cop an attitude.  How dare me to foolishly go down that road, even if it were for a mere week.  Sure I have downfalls and I am sure there are some heavy days ahead...that I know nothing about.  Today though I got to wake up and yes it was stormy weather and had to deal with flying potted plants all over my balcony.  I am warm, happy, no more complaints....To tell you the truth, the complaining and not feeling filled up was me, my worse enemy.  When I learned of his death, all the trivial mondain everyday complaints were forgotten.  Mourning a loss, grieving, trying to offer hope to those who may not live another year, month or day...How dare me to not be so blessed with everything that I have.  I declare this blog to be my good riddance of little annoyances, to be happy that right now and for future I am a survivor of this illness of bipolar.  I declare that I don't need anymore then I have right now and I am happy for my glass feeling full most days and yes, most days.

Yes we are human...I learned something through this awful occurance in Mr. Williams family tragedy.  To live, to breath, laugh, smile, notice others smiling and laughing, having a roof over my head where once I was completely stuck....to live a life and make it what I want, create it the way I want....of course dream and live a good life.  This week has taught me, to not make mountains out of mole hills.  Right now, I am happy, I am full up.  Please fill yourself with hope everyday.  Hope is a great emotion, it get's rid of the fear and anxiety.  Hope for everything, nothing nor no one can take that away from you.  Hope that with what ever happens, there is also healing, love and compassion.  I am just tickled to the ear that I have water in my cup to drink and yes that it is full up.