I Want to Be Rich!

Most of many of our lives, we strive for Richness.  Some do chase money most of their lives, maybe making some good money along the way...but again, money does not last forever; as well the material items never really lasts long does it?  I found personally, if I am doing something for money and money alone, it takes a lot of the fun out of the task.  Sure having money for essential items is wonderful, being able to buy things you have always wanted brings with it many feelings of greatness and self worth.  When one feels and has riches from within, it is much more enjoyable, fun and long lasting.

My Mother taught me years ago, saying "You may not have a lot of money, but you are rich in such and such a way"  It made sense to me, I thought about that a lot through the years.  I would buy items again and again, they were not enjoyed for very long, the empty feeling not only in my wallet, but also these material items left me wanting more although feeling LESS.  I think the economy, the way it has been over the years has helped in a sense.  People are much more money conscious, I do not see people the way I use to, walking through a Mall, with 10 shiny bags full of weekly or monthly purchases....In this economy, it has taught the many to appreciate the smaller things, in so we have learned over and over NOW, to feel Richness in other areas, instead of money alone.  Some are blessed with a beautiful family, a close and loving family, or some have many friendships that have a fun, upbeat and encouraging sense to them.  These friends and family are their true richness.  Some have a richness of a good business sense, with a great track record and contacts that in turn get them from A to B when dealing with their business world-now that small businesses have been on the rise.  Richness is something different to everyone.  Some have fabulous careers that are their foundation for a great life and a great family and home.  My richness is like many in this day and age...I Have everything over and above I have every dreamed of.  Maybe not the dream down to a science, but my dream is fruitful to myself and living it each day is a ride I will never get off.

I felt so very rich today, where I use to be able to go out and BUY easily a washer and dryer brand NEW; mind you on credit and over and beyond my means, which really did leave my wallet empty and once I got use to the idea of having a NEW washer/dryer, I would then, shop for the next small or big purchase.

NOW, I spend my Sundays Making crafts and baking for the week.  That in itself feeds my soul completly.  Never thinking prior I would want to spend or even get joy out of such simplicity.  I did purchase a washer and dryer, not paying with credit, but searching for the exact right working laundrey machines with the right price-I ended up feeling SOO Rich in harvesting my sense of ownership and in the end PRIDE.  Feeling Rich from within, is a sacrifice to some (or can be).  For me it is much more of a journey then an instant pleasant destination.  Where it would take me an hour to shop for big ticketed items, the smaller, some what useful, thought out, or hand made items gives me a LIFT in the Richness we all hold within.  Being Thankful on the emotionally Rich journey is Fun, Challenging and at the same time, the thought process and learning gives you a much more gratifying sense of abundance.  If someone gave me a Million Dollars, sure it would be nice for anyone of us....a year later...That Million, would not change very much..Maybe a boat in the yard, a new home etc.  Still, finding true richness in whatever area in your life you are Rich, be truly Prideful and Thankful that you not only have a full fridge, a full life, a loving heart, a giving heart, a nurturing soul...the wisdom of knowing that you ARE actually RICH is a heartfelt blessing that lasts FOREVER.

The Meat and Potatoes of Mental Illness

When I was young, around 13 years old and prior, my friends would be in the school yards-the words of name calling were every where.  I don't think a day went by when we didn't say the word "Psycho, or Nuts even Crazy."  Though not knowing what these words even meant.  Not just saying these words, but using them at random and a drop of a hat; easily telling someone "they are psycho, nuts, crazy".  It became apparent in the 80s this was a word that simply slipped from our lips on the play grounds, walking down the street etc.  We did not know much about Mental Illness back then, we did not talk about different mental health struggles in schools nor at home.  I did not know what Bipolar was, or Schizophrenia was even though we said Schizo a dozen times a week in my younger years, it was much like calling someone a Nob or a Pinhead out of either love or indifference or even hate.  I never knew anything about these issues until I started becoming aware and involved in my courses that I took of Child and Youth Worker and Sociology.  Now, I don't hear people saying these harsh words-maybe since we know more about them, are taught about them in schools earlier on and at home earlier on.

When I started taking my Sociology and Human Nature courses...I learned a lot.  Even learning about them I struggled with understanding how one would feel, relate to the world around us and even over come so many of these illnesses.  At the same time as I was studying to become a Sociologist or Child and Youth Worker in the mid 90s...The Taboo subject of Mental Illness, Dysfunctional families etc...were becoming more apparent world wide, as you would see such shows devoted to these issues on talk shows every day, or less...every week.  People were becoming knowledgeable, interested and more focused on the grief that comes with these ailments.  At that time, I had close friends at my University also taking the courses right along with me....My first year, I barely past....the second year, I was actually coming on top..Finally getting the hang of my subject-criminology, sociology, deviance, etc...I was getting 90s in classes where I use to struggle heavily.  My friends and I would study together...party together...live together....get by on a campus budget together...!!  It was all coming together...!!

No one said at that time in the 90s and further anymore-"Oh she is nuts, he is schizo".  People were not only learning, but becoming empathetic about Mental Health.  Right after I got my first grade of 90%, I still could not keep my stress level at bay.  The 2 years of University, the stress of wondering if I was even going to make it through, was enough to cause my stress to elevate to a level that I could not handle.  I stopped sleeping, stopped making sense and became someone who actually had to deal with a mental health crisis situation.  My background, many things intertwined-I would learn later had something to do with the cause of the symptoms.  My friends tried everything to help me sleep, they were great friends and guides as this illness seemed to over take me.  I ended up leaving school...missing my exams and dealing with a death in the family all while being admitted to the hospital for mental health.  It was a crummy time in my life.

Thinking back from the 80s until now, I feel somewhat relieved I grew up in an era where Mental Health was becoming not just a HOT topic, but one where people really did want to understand.  It was a frightening time, my family was dealing with it their way, I had to deal with it my way.  I don't think people I met along the way put much of a stigma towards me, they all tried to be accepting....BUT I was not able to accept myself as I was!  I believe from the poor self image I gave myself, I put the stigma onto me..feeling out of sorts, feeling every mixed emotion, thinking I was the only one!  NOW, people are popping up everywhere, who have had dealings with Mental Health....I feel blessed that I did not have to reside in a place in time where Mental Health was dealt with in an improper sense...We have made leaps and bounds..I feel very heartfelt how our society has welcomed these illnesses as part of our culture. 

Having the world psycho being past around on the school yards is history...as we were young, we did not even know the meaning...in a sense back then it was like saying to someone "YOUR hair is green".  Made no difference, our hair wasn't green, so we moved on and laughed and played.  I always knew I was different, I did!  I did not know what it was but I remember looking at myself in grade 2 thinking, well I am the same size as most of my classmates, I have the same clothes..I am kinda average and later pretty typical..?? Never knowing why I felt something was wrong....I was just me, I did not really know what nuts meant back then...so even if someone did call me nuts...I would not know the harshness of the reality of that word.

The stigma I hear many times is worse then the illness....for me I can agree...!!  Going to work in a full blown episode kinda feels like a fog and type of dream that no one knows what is going on with you??  So, for many times, I felt brushed aside, not able to cope like others at my work place, not able to talk about it openly with employers...who would want someone that may end up in the hospital for stress relief.  So in that, I feel now, people are more accepting.  I was lucky to have the guidance of my Grand Mother, My Nanny, who did hide for years in the 40s and 50s not telling a soul how she felt, or if she was ill...she kept that secret..very well...I could not!

Now, people talk openly about anxiety, depression and so on.  People don't have to become emberrased or even ridiculed to the state of isolation or worse.  I am proud of our society for allowing such consideration on these subjects, feel poorly of course for being part of the 80s where we yelled out these harsh words on the school yards, but very glad that those days are over..and we live in a country that is so diverse that it is even accepting of the ill and weak, so that "they can become strong minded and well, even HAPPY and a part of the whole"  Happy Health to all!

My Rut Kicker

I had quite the day yesterday as all was "seeming" to fall apart.  I was not ready for this "type" of day.  Call it what you will, but the day was slipping away and I was finding myself in a RUT, for whatever reasons.  In my dealings with my illness, bipolar and anxiety...I really had to think my way through as to HOW to conquer the beginning of what I know to be as a RUT!  Which could have gone two or three ways...if you are a sufferer of any of these mental ailments, you may know what I mean.  SIMPLY- YOU REALLY CAN'T AFFORD TO SINK, for whatever reason...and certainly I was not willing to sink so close to Christmas and also now that I am 4 mos. Pregnant, I did not want to deal with any added stress...as a soon to be Mom, I am learning more and more how to really put my practices of dealing with anxiety etc. to good use...Things that I use to fret about; now, I have had to learn to just acknowledge shortcomings, or stress and move on with caring for Me, Our Baby, My Husband and Partner and Our Home.  So, with that saying, it has never been more relevant, to unwind, nurture myself- in turn our baby, eat right, etc.

So the day was moving along, a little drab but not complaining.  Then it was like I was up against a wall, a sort of triggering effect and I had to really absorb my surroundings, lean on my instincts and rise above the rough waters...before it became a RUT situation. I had an issue, dealt with it, am far better then I was when it hit-So as the day was unraveling...I HAD TO THINK QUICK! "What Would Make This Day Enjoyable"?  "What Can I do, In "My" Control, That Could Turn a Rather Rutty Situation AROUND"?  So then I went to it...!!!

Expecting our first baby, being 38 and My Husband 42-although I really do not believe age has a HUGE impact on things...some things...not all..SO, I decided to WRITE a MURAL on our Nursery Room Wall...
I saw it quickly on FACEBOOK...gathered a pen and paper..and GOT BUSY...My Step Father always said...GET BUSY...which I do often...NOW, creating a room and space for our child, is quite exciting and I find nurturing of myself, the baby-as well as grounding.  SO there were these words and phrases that was posted on Facebook...I wrote them down and just as quick as I saw it, I imagined the saying and phrase on our babies walls for years to come..So I grabbed my husbands art material, paint, brushes, pallet etc.  And worked nicely along adding a touch of fun and love to our babies room....

It took about an hour...I was tired after..BUT, Found that I now have a "NEW RUT KICKER".  Basically, I kicked the rut butt!!  My husband was a little caught off guard, but did not hesitate and let me do my thing...In the end..He really liked it...I forgot about whatever was ailing me, or anything that was on my mind...The Rut in the corners learking were forgotten and I had a GRAND sleep. 

An outlet...it is really great to have an outlet..and this outlet you have chosen can and will change from year to year...it can be music, sing out loud, go for a walk, call a friend, be creative, read the paper even to get your mind on something else...IT may change over time...what did or does the trick now to kick your ruts butt, may not be the same in Ten years...You really have to adjust to what your needs are and listen to your body.

So just as the day started it ended...BUT now, with a quiet sense of ease as I walk by our Nursery which now has its own flair and many artistic touches that we both have created...I was not sure what to do at Ten Oclock at night when I was about to turn out the lights and was very tired...BUT thought...IF I leave this stressor dangling, then I am NOT going to get out of this RUT quick and painlessly...So I put my paint to the task and created something out of LOVE and NOTHING at ALL..as the song goes..

Simply, find an outlet...a good one...!!  Doesn't have to be tricky, just something that is just for you...For years I journalised, then walked trails and hiked to get off my steam and put my attention back to a better level...there have been many things that I had to do to shift my focus and become whole..again...Find an outlet that speaks to you, guitar maybe, learning a new language....anything PRO ACTIVE and something you enjoy.

If you want to get out of that silly old rut, then simply kick it's butt by tending to yourself and do something FUN, ENJOYABLE, CREATIVE, STIMULATING...practice that and you will be able to go to bed soundly and whatever the issue/problem was most likely would be gone once the sun touches your face in the morning...Do this over and over..Until it becomes habit for you...where you actually say to yourself...not, OH I AM IN A RUT...BUT say...I am going to paint the furniture now..and off you go...!!!  Enjoy yourself and others...be good to yourself and then others...smile often, sing often, dance often...JUMP around often...LOVE ALWAYS..and you can never go wrong...!!!  If you are doing something from a pure heart, it will manifest and stay with you and radiate from you and onto others..what is greater then that...MORE people Laughing, MORE people Singing, MORE people HUGGING...MORE people Reaching OUT...and more people NOT in a rut for days, months, years...twirling about in an awful state of emotions...OUTLETS, do exactly that...They LET IT ALLLL OUT!

With Turbulence Comes Many Miracles

One of my very favourite action movie there is a saying at the beginning which always stuck with me; written by Quinton Terrentino; starring Christian Slater and Patricia Arquette.  I remember the beginning to this movie and always think of it in my darkest hours.  Simply put "Sometimes it goes one way, sometimes just sometimes, it goes the other way too".  I remember that very saying since I was Seventeen about to make my way into early adulthood.  My Mother too always says, what goes up must come down and what goes down must come up...so with these and many other lessons in life; I grip to this knowledge and spirit though turbulent times, knowing this I have been able to steer my course always knowing that I am protected and if I reach out and know that to this there is good times just around the corner...then I can believe I can get through these times to allow the miracles to happen.

It was a very up and down week, I must say...we lost our precious cat and a few other blemishes.  We though, did not become hasty...did not blame, create chaos, or choose unhealthy means of dealing with life.  Both knowing, my husband and I, that it will be all clear winds, happy hearts and miracles in our journey.  Learning these lessons together, both my partner and I-we have come to know a great deal about ourselves and Life.  Life has obstacles, it does- I primarily use to thrive many years ago off of these obstacles until I turned them into something greater then myself.  Turning them into a mountain so big that I felt it was swallowing me whole.  Time and time again, I would pray, cleanse, regroup and the "Problem" was solved and either I learned something valuable about myself or Life as I knew it, grew from it-OR a miracle would occur...something so out of the ordinary that I would have to shake my head in disbelief.  Thinking to myself..well, if I had not endured that part of my journey, then I never would have seen this, met this person, found this, believed this and so on.  After the storm came clarity and an all knowing in the miracles of the Universe and a belief in me that if I went through one storm, I can certainly entail another...although did not go around wishing for crazy, hectic days...but became less fearful and more accepting that these days will pass.

My husband too I believe has a higher belief in so many things because of what his storms stirred in him and how he handled them, without the sinking feeling that he was being swallowed up.  Instead he to, gained more insight, used his creativity and also began to see the magic and beauty of life when he too had miracles happen everyday. 

When I let go of something, or when I have to adjust to a situation or problem solve...most times...I make a mental NOTE, yes and actual mental NOTE to the universe and to HIM...IN my mind I write out what my problem is...for example...

"This is my problem, I feel that I am stuck in my work place.  I am not happy at my work this is how I feel about it, it makes me feel _____________ I need help with this, I am giving this problem to you GOD, I do not know how to deal with it YOU DO..Please take care of this for me." TY..TY..TY

So yes, I write a note say whatever I need to say...crumple it UP and mentally vision that I am throwing it in the air, I picture the WORLD in a globe sense and leave it to the GODS to take care of for me.  I have done this for more then TEN years...and every time...THINGS LOOK sooo different the next day...Either, my issue was taken care of, or I learned how to handle a situation better...there was an answer for me...or the problem ultimatly vanished..and Many, Many times a miracle would occur.  For me it was such a great release, as soon as I threw the crumpled up note upstairs...I did not think, worry, fret or become dismayed.  Something would soon take place that nipped the turbulence in the bud and I saw the light of day.

There are miracles everyday and you better believe they will definatly happen to you, no one is exempted from miracles.  A simple phone conversation with a loved one can give you such a Grand idea and the wheels spin you into a new direction, with a new outlook.  You could meet someone someday, and they serve meaning in your life.  Something in everyday there is a miracle.  So maybe not everyday is a theme park day, not every day is a circus day..BUT not every day is a JUNGLE either.

There is something good in everyday.  Today I called a dear friend, we had a conversation and she told me about her many miracles...That very light brought me to a very FINE day, full of life, light and energy.  With one single phone call, any turbulence lingering was vanished...IT became such a day of LOVE and many blessing and YES of course miracles!  One lady, talking of her ventures and happiness, led me to have a day that was full of everyday miracles and everyday blessings.  BELIEVE!

My Parents Had to Let Me Go-So That I Could Look UP!

I have very loving Parents, have very loving Aunts and a Brother like no other.  I was Falling, cracking through the surface for many years.  My Family was torn when they learned about me having a chemical imbalance.  You may have read, I was 21 dropped out of higher education twice, hospitalized, going from job to job only lasting at most 2 years.  I went to group counseling, and individual counseling- My Loving parents also went to group counseling in order to help them help me and in the processes help themselves. 

Still though, I had all the help in the world.  Doctors were supportive, my Family always there to pick up the phone, pick up the pieces, talk me through things almost every single day.  I still worked...ended up taking two courses in which I did finish, trying to stay on track with the medication cost was overwhelming.  I needed a really good education in order to pay this fee every month.  Still though, I was clearly not healthy.  I was then 25 and drinking, binge drinking off and on.  Some years, I wouldn't touch it, I was sensitive to it, three drinks and it would throw my nervous system way off and mixing medication with that is just a terrible idea.  Through the years though, my Family, Brother, Aunts, Mother, Father were always there for sound advise, fix my troubles-take care of all that was haywire in my life, over and over...They knew after far to long that they just had to STOP saving me, rescuing me from sometimes dangerous situations.  AND letting go, was far harder on them then it was for me.

I wanted them to let go, I knew deep down just as much as they did, this pattern we created was not working.  So being 33 years old, they all stopped!  They had to and I knew it!  Although we would still talk to each other, they were not going to jump in their car, racing to every pitfall and slip that I endured.  So with them letting me GO...THE ONLY WAY TO LOOK WAS UP!  My father told me for years, your crises and your misgivings will build character.  Which I thought..Great, I would love to have some character.  AND yes, I would love to LOOK UP!

I was use to falling into a whole, but someone was always there to reach for me.  So Proudly, I say they let me sink further and further.  They had to watch me sink, not guide me up.  In this I learned again Proudly, to stand on my own, my VERY OWN!  I ended up with NOTHING, not a dime, not a house, everything GONE.  We still talked, almost everyday, they just simply asked "How are you doing"  NO advise, no should haves or would haves...Just I Love you, be safe!

So now, years later...I must say, although a late start in adulthood and independence, I am better for it.  I now am able to say freely, I take care of myself...Rent is always paid, bills are always paid, I have a fun and interesting career that I get a lot of fulfillment from, I met and fell in love with my Partner,  We have a happy home with great neighbours- To this I say Finally...My Partner too has a thriving and very fun career...both of us in the arts.  I have close ties with my family, near or far...I am not shy or awkward in social settings. When I met my husband I could not even go sit in a restaurant with out feeling ashamed or a sense of discomfort, now I am able, effortlessly-I have many things that I always wanted. 

There are so many things I overcame, battles I had to fight, things I had to learn about myself and the world around me.  With my Parents and family LETTING GO of my hand, letting me slip through the cracks, I got over many wounds, healed, began to be able to laugh again; even at myself...I was not afraid any longer...!!  I learned to be comfortable in my own skin.

Building up from which I fell was the fun part...everyday learning something new about what makes me "tick".  Now with a loving family who I am not a burden to, but a contributing part of the whole, they do not have to feel guilty, feel that they have to run to my rescue, they too have overcome their fear of letting me run my course.  Them doing that simple act I was able TO BE present, clear, able, sound, full of life and energy....love and FINALLY HAPPY, CONTENT, STRENGTHENED, COMPASSIONATE, and INDEPENDENT...Letting me go, giving me a chance to breath on my own...WAS the best decision WE made consciously as WE knew it would NOT work any other way.  Now there visits are frequent, are talks are fun and light hearted, I am there for them, but no one is a rescuer for each other.  We show love, give hugs, and stay in touch.  They are most likely very HAPPY that I have hit my last sink hole and I know very  thrilled that I have a partner who is just as happy as me.  We now have a family, with our first arrival in May, a place to call HOME, and family who is able to enjoy our happiness, and love for one another.  Thank YOU to my family, for knowing WHEN to let me fall.  They did not just teach me and guide me how to live...THEY let me LIVE! xoxo

I believe it was the late Robyn Williams who said...When nothing else works, whats left is what is RIGHT!

Reflection in a Day- NOVEMBER 11th

Days come and days go, we do the best we can.  Some days we challenge ourselves to the suns glow trying to get over humps and bumps-lucky to only come out with a tiny scratch...and GOOD on US!  Some days are easy, you sail by them like the blowing wind.  Some days, you wake up and simply put; it is not what you bargained for.  You can go to sleep gently the night before-Thanking and being thankful to the Heavens above and wake up to a down poor of either gentle rain and stormy weather.

For the last week, I took a pause-which I rarely do.  I never was one to think back on my journey to much growing up...just went with it, went for it, moving faster and faster everyday-People would say SLOW DOWN you are always in a rush...and I was...Until I learned the sense of solitude, rest and reflection.

I lay my head at night, each and every night, talking out loud YES outloud to my God, My Husband and Partner always asking-who are you talking to, I say HIM or My Nanny whom I know is my guardian angel..others who have passed, but I still do feel such a connection and do continue with the relationship even after this life has parted us...They have always seen me through and I know always will...personally I begin by being thankful...for the loves in my life, the love I can generate for myself from within, with HIM who has showed me how to love myself.  I pray for the things I feel are needed either with our lives, or others whom have touched me, and always my family and if it was a "bad" day-term used very lightly because as I said days come and days go... I Lay there talking away to HIM for hours...and then reflect on my days beginning, middle and end.  In this there is peace, harmony and love I feel surrounding me always.

Today was not a great start to November 11th and how can it be a good day, when you YES feel proud of our country, stand by our soldiers, those who HAD to fight for whatever reason that there culture or our culture needed them to.  Today on November 11th we woke up to our very old Cat ruby, who lived with us a long time passing away as well.  I looked at her struggle in the end and it shook me.  Seeing her fight for her life as I saw she was deteriorating broke our hearts as we woke up this morning and not only said Goodbye to our family member our Cat, but also to the soldiers, from whatever part of the Globe you come from...IT is not easy on any one of them or us-however you like to see it.  What I am proud of is our country, we are quietly proud, with a conviction for life and love like no other.  We enjoy our peace, the allowance to live each day as they go by in any which way we want for ourselves.

I allowed myself breathing room for the last week, a tranquil moment for myself and my family at home.  Living the days, not working-searching for my next big hit, but reflecting on my journey-personally...WITHIN this there is growth, a sense of wonderment, putting pieces of your life or mine in order, to become at peace with all that you are and all that is human is a grieving process as well as a growing process.  Knowing that in my reflections I not only think critically about how the day started and how it ended...is a process in my journey.  Today as it was a sad Day this Rememberance Day and as we put our cat to rest.  I had to fight through the day, to make me ONE again, whole again...Peaceful again.

I ate, did what I needed to do, errands, life things....Then we rested, nurtured ourselves, my partner in his ways and me in mine.  We slept, rejouvenated, recharged.  It is the end of a year in a few short months a time for reflection, to make you better thus in the end the world better.  The tranquility and peace I found this last week, was challenging....People sometimes challenge your peaceful nature...sometimes challenge your love of life...the way you live it, your own beliefs.  I took it in stride and from waking up in tears, to gathering my thoughts and heart and mind...I was able to RELIFT my soul!  NO doctor, nurse or caregiver can give you as much strength for the challenging days as you can yourself.  We are all in it together...Sure I vow peace each and everytime...BUT when challenged by this life, I will honour myself, my nature, who I am...who HE intends for me to be, for the ANGELS walking with me, pushing me to go further and further along.  TO BE ME...Reflection is my form of understanding ME in this world, when there still is War's being faught, still soldiers standing up, having to leave their homes and families a luxury that we have and know nothing what it is like....

I only know my journey, am PROUD to say I know myself and do love myself...love our country and our world.  There is a part of a soldier in each and everyone of us to get up and do it each and everyday.  Some who are fighting for there lives because of sickness...Be glad for the glowing Sun, even if the rain poors down days later...Be glad for the snow, making us stronger survivors in this world.  Be Brave enough to stand up for WHO you are, WHO HE wanted and intended you to be and don't say sorry to anyone who challenges your charactor- only HE knows what battles you are fighting and what fires you blow out daily just to live in peace.  Be reflective on your journey, Learning all the time, new ways to BE, LOVE and CHERISH.

Be peaceful all the time, be loving all the time-IF you speak your truth then you have done know wrong.

See you Soon Ruby you gentle and precious soul...See you soon to the soldiers who faught for US to be peaceful and free...and See you sometime- to all the angels watching over us, giving us hope, love and a gentle knowing that you are all there for us in each and every way ALWAYS..Good night to our soldiers who are still fighting, Sleep well to the ones who are fighting for their lives.  IN this days reflection, I say Thank YOU!

Fill the Void of Your Inner Rainbow

You see it all the time, and I use to be there and one of them too.  When someone feels there is a void to be filled, he or she may TRY to fill that void using the only method they know how.  There are many reasons one feels a little empty.  Basically, they-He or She are off balance, something in their life may not be what they envisioned for themselves, maybe they have a crucial schedual to keep up with and the only down time would be to fill that feeling of unbalance until they're filled up.  How long does that "quick fix" generally last  though?  Filling a void could be many things, it could be costly, IE: running to the quickest clothing apparel shop for what they call "Shop Therapy".  That was my void filler, I had so many clothes for so many years, some with tags on and the clothes never worn.  Every week, I would hit the shops and call it Shop Therapy for years.  I don't do that anymore..I now have learned over time to LOOK WITHIN, find what will fill me up, either creatively, musically, socially, or other.  It feels great at first when you fill that cup in a quick sense, the next day though-the void is still remaining.

Balance, how do we achieve a balance of health, social, rest/relaxation, fun and work to continue without having to chase a rainbow-Instead finding the rainbow within-with many pots of golds and treasures?  Fill that void by looking within-rather then outside forces.  Some people too, just feel a great need or desire to obtain the next great buy, or any other means to fill the emptiness inside.  The trick of the quick fix leaves you right at square one.  So with a balance, of health-eating right-excersise, spirituality/positivity, being social, resting and relaxation.  Once those needs are filled-then we can begin to look within. Separate you needs from your wants; someone taught me that and I practiced it regularly.  So instead of going out and buying the most fancy dress boots, I began to look at my strengths more and more, in order to develop my even flow of independence, positivity, spirituality, rest, fun etc.  I didn't have to run to the closest store to get my fix.

In saying that, don't deny yourself little luxuries, we all like them and yes they are needed as well, but within that there is balance.  One way to fill up, is to find out what your good or even great at!  If you don't know, think again of your likes and dislikes-if you enjoy reading, singing, dancing-could be anything.  Do that more and more often of the things you like-take time for yourself and allow yourself to do these "likes" and you will be filling yourself up with the colours of the rainbow!!  If your are just NOT happy...in life, where you are, what your doing...Change it, step by step; allow yourself the freedom to choose what LIFE you want.  If you are taking a course, or subject and you just feel miserable while trying to learn the ins and outs of that course...That can be changed too!  Take something more you..maybe auto mechanics, anything that will make you want to JUMP out of bed to start the day.  IF you are unhappy, own those feelings...accept it, you don't have to pick up and move to Idaho...Just start with knowing what is not working in your life-instead of fixing it with a new purchase, or anything else that is a void filler in your life.

There are so many things to do and be doing-that really don't cost an arm and a leg.  It took me a while to realize I have more fun hiking through trails and taking pictures then I have when I buy some random item come home where it-spill something on it, tear it by mistake...just to go out and do it again.  I use to wake up everyday, thinking...hmmm..what purchase can I make today...??? I did that for a very long time.  Until again I learned about ME, what I liked to do, what made me happy and I chose day in and day out to be happy everyday.  Sure there was work-it did not come overnight.  Now, once my needs are met, health etc...With a proper balance, now I decide how I want to spend time.  I had to be learn to be alone and like the feeling of me in my own space, in order to recharge on my own terms, without being caught in a void trap.  Find out what your void is, what YOU REALLY WANT...think...:IS this brand new pair of boots etc...REALLY going to be the be all and end all to make my life complete"?? Then think-"What will make my life complete"?  Once you have the balance down, simple pleasures come easily...your void is filled before you step out the door.  You do wake up HAPPY ready to enjoy the pleasures and even challenges of the day.

If your caught in a spiral of life with no balance, no nurturing of thyself, no feelings-just going through the motions....Think to yourself...What do YOU really want..??  Is it that fancy car that will make yourself feel filled FOREVER...Is that Car or House going to make a happy home all the time or the car a happy commute all the time...??  Think of yourself as that Car or House, how would you maintain it to fill it up with love and care, with balance in order to be a happy home or car?  Put as much love and devotion into yourself as you would your job/career, relationships, material items.  It may take time, to fill the void on your own terms, with your likes while creating balance!  Filling the void of your Inner Rainbow is MUCH, I will say it again MUCH more gratifying then going in circles chasing the pot of Gold-When there is a GOLD RUSH within each and every one of US within our heart of hearts, YES the POT of GOLD is filled with so many treasures, right within YOU...no outside force can create more JOY and long lasting happiness then knowing within there is a rainbow so big right inside of you.